


Knighted

by Sweetestcondition



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Universe, Dark Side Rey, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Force Bondage, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Mind Control, POV Ben Solo, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, Torture, Virgin Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:07:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25740331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweetestcondition/pseuds/Sweetestcondition
Summary: No more masters,he thought.I am here to become one of them. A Knight of Ren.That was when he saw the eighth figure in the group. A figure he didn’t recognize. And Ben Solo was sure he would have remembered this one.With shapely hips and a thin waist, she leaned casually against the bar, engaged in discussion with another Knight. The highlights of her dark metallic cuirass gleamed red in the low light. A hooded cape hung across her shoulders and like the other Knights, she was masked. Hers was a peculiar shape, an inverted pyramid with ridges fanning from chin to forehead, cutting across her face like deep gashes in the shape of a sun’s rays.Not an inch of skin showed from the woman, but even so, a strange heat had wound itself deep in Ben’s belly. She draped a gloved hand over the other Knight’s arm, leaning into him to share a secret morsel of conversation, and Ben had the sudden urge to smash his fist into this other Knight’s gut.What in the Force was this?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 103
Kudos: 120





	1. A Pile of Garbage Walks Into a Bar

**Author's Note:**

> *Canonverse Reylo AU* in which 23-year-old Ben Solo is fresh from the destruction of the Jedi Temple. After killing another student in self-defense he is desperately seeking a place to belong. But that place in the Knights of Ren is already occupied by 19-year-old Rey, mysterious scavenger turned Knight, who happens to be Snoke's other protégé. And he can't decide whether he wants to murder her or kiss her senseless.
> 
> What am I doing here writing more Reylo? I finished The Rise of Kylo Ren comics and had a fun little idea, what if Rey was there when Ben first met the Knights of Ren?

Ben Solo's blood-stained Jedi robes garnered stares from the regular crowd as he made his way toward the bartender. He would have bet the _Grimtaash_ that nothing could pull the eyes of this seedy clientele from the bottoms of their mugs. But when they looked him up and down with bloodshot glares, Ben realized he must be more of a mess than he thought.

Really, he'd been lucky to come away with all of his limbs. A few gashes and torn robes were a small price to pay for what he'd done.

He'd killed him.

Hennix. A Jedi he'd known for _years_. They'd grown up together for Force's sake.

Dead.

He'd been defending himself, sure, but Hennix was dead just the same. Then he'd buried the other two Jedi students, Tai and Voe, when he'd pulled down the walls of the Jedi outpost on Elphrona. The closest things he had to friends. And he'd destroyed them.

Emotion wrapped cold fingers around his throat and he swallowed against the sensation. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to scrub the imprint of Hennix's horrified stare from his memory. But he'd had no choice… right?

Not that it mattered. There was no going back now.

The biting stench of tabac smoke hung in thick clouds over the room, mixing with the reek of sour ale and sweaty pits, bringing his thoughts to the present and his current problem: his sudden inability to choke down a breath. He fought the urge to drape a sleeve over his nose to filter the air, instead, forcing himself to hold his head high as he approached the bar at the center of the room.

He'd never been to Varnak, but so far, the dank atmosphere resembled that of any other mid-rim watering hole, filled with spacers, smugglers, and people who generally wanted to hide. This wasn't the kind of place Ben was used to spending time in lately, but with a father like Han Solo, he'd heard his share of stories and been dragged to places like this once or twice.

He spotted the man named Ren leaning against the bar. There was no mistaking the strange metallic mask with the red engraving where his face should be. He remembered him and the other six Knights of Ren from their last encounter years ago, when Master Luke had taken all of them, one on seven, in combat on Elphrona. Back when he'd been so awed by his Master's abilities. When he trusted him with his life.

Before his _Master_ had tried to murder him in cold blood.

Ben felt his lip twitch, dark thoughts flaring inside of him begging for release. He clenched his teeth and approached Ren.

 _No more masters,_ he thought. _I am here to become one of them. A Knight of Ren._

That was when he saw the eighth figure in the group. A figure he didn't recognize. And Ben Solo was sure he would have remembered this one.

With shapely hips and a thin waist, she leaned casually against the bar, engaged in discussion with the other Knight. The highlights of her dark metallic cuirass gleamed red in the low light. Underneath it, she wore a black long-sleeved tunic and a floor-skimming skirt. A hooded cape hung across her shoulders and like the other Knights, she was masked. Hers was a peculiar shape, an inverted pyramid with ridges fanning from chin to forehead, cutting across her face like deep gashes in the shape of a sun's rays.

Not an inch of skin showed from the woman, but even so, a strange heat had wound itself deep in Ben's belly. She draped a gloved hand over the other Knight's arm, leaning into him to share a secret morsel of conversation, and Ben had the sudden urge to smash his fist into this other Knight's gut.

What in the Force was this?

As Ben approached, she looked up, and it was as though the breath was thumped from his chest. He couldn't see her face, but it didn't matter. His blood was now pulsing to a rhythm she was somehow orchestrating. The swirl of her Force, icy and delicate, reached out to his mind, trying to sense his intention and he wanted to let her inside. Gods, he wanted to feel that icy touch _everywhere._

"See something you like?" the other Knight drawled through a voice modulator into his ear.

Ben slammed up his mental walls just in time to keep the woman out, blinking dumbly as he tried to muster something close to a competent reply. "Uh… n-no," he managed to stutter out.

And he was sure the barkeep was going to have to scrape him off the floor later tonight, because he had clearly just melted into a disgusting puddle of embarrassment.

The Knight cocked his helmeted head, studying him through a thin visor between the pattern of intersecting lines on his helmet. He wore a long coat woven from the scaly black skin of some giant reptile, which fastened asymmetrically over one shoulder. The man was tall, and Ben stood eye to eye with him, which was unsettling as it was such a rare occurrence.

 _Get a grip Solo. This is_ not _a place to appear weak. Think of something._

"I - I didn't recognize your new recruit," Ben said, deepening his voice to sound more confident than he felt. "She wasn't with you the last time we met."

The Knight ran a gloved finger over the wickedly curved scythe strapped to his shoulder. "And you are…?" He dragged out the last word in a question.

"Well look who it is," Ren's booming voice mercifully interrupted the awkward exchange. "Ben Solo."

Ben tried to square his shoulders, feeling the stare of every Knight as a palpable pressure in the air as they sized him up. Especially _hers._ He could feel her eyes on him, sharp as a med-droid's scalpel, carving him up and laying his heart wide open.

Gods what was going on?

_Focus. Focus._

"You took your time getting here," Ren said. "Lucky you caught us. We're leaving soon."

"I was held up," he answered.

"Clearly. Looks like something chewed you up and spit you out."

"No. That's not what happened, it was…"

He heard a few snickers from the Knights, the woman among them and he could feel his cheeks and ears turning a traitorous shade of red. He needed one of those masks as soon as possible.

"A joke, it was a joke, kid…" Ren said.

Ben raked a nervous hand through his hair. "Oh, right. Of course."

Ren slipped his mask off, shaking out his silver waves and revealing a face that had first surprised him years ago. As a boy, standing behind Luke on Elphrona, Ben had imagined a monster underneath that mask. Definitely not this handsome, blue-eyed man with a dimple in his chin.

"Here. Relax. The mask's kind of intense – that's the point – but you and me, maybe we're gonna be friends. Snoke thinks so anyway."

Snoke. That was why he was here. Snoke had been right about Luke anyway. He'd ended up turning against Ben just as Snoke had predicted. So maybe, he thought, Snoke would be right about the Knights of Ren, too.

Ren gestured to a nearby stool that was suddenly freed up with a quick gesture toward one of the Knights.

Ben swallowed and took a seat.

"You came looking for the Knights of Ren. Not many do that, and most who do end up regretting it realquick." He paused, trailing his eyes over Ben's robes and the saber clipped to his belt, before locking that gaze on him. "So, what do you want, maybe-friend Ben?"

"I want to… travel with you. To learn. I can be useful. I'm strong in – "

"The shadow, yeah. I know. I could feel it last time we met and Snoke told me maybe you're something special. Lotta maybes, though. Eh, Rey?"

He turned to look at the woman then, her face still hidden by her mask.

Rey. Her name was Rey.

A simple name. He liked -

Ben clenched his fist. _Stop._ He clenched so hard he felt his nails digging into his palm. _Stop._

_Control your thoughts._

But just as he'd wrangled control back from his runaway musings, he heard that voice. Her voice. "Snoke said I was something special, too, didn't he?" Gods, even through the crackling vocoder, that voice sent a ripple of warmth across his skin. And that accent, stately, as though she'd been raised on the capital planet by some politically elite family.

Then Rey stared straight at Ben as she tugged at the nearest Knight's belt to pull him closer. "And you'd say I'm something special, right Vicrul?"

"Oh, you're special alright." And he didn't miss the way Vicrul's mask dipped, before drifting up to take in Rey's body. But Vicrul said nothing more. Made no move to touch her. Were they together? A couple?

If so, why did Ben even care?

_Get a grip._

"So, you see, Ren," Rey said. "Snoke may be right about Ben, too."

"Well, if the lady says to give you a chance, maybe you oughta sit down a while longer." He gestured to a barkeep, a slimy looking Trandoshan with a collection of nasty facial scars, who nodded. Then, Ren returned his focus to their conversation. "Did Snoke tell you the price?"

"The price?" he echoed, dumbly.

"It's a death Ben Solo. A good death."

"I've killed. I killed a Jedi."

"Well, this sounds like one hell of a story. I'm sure we'd love to hear it." Ren glanced at the Knights behind him and Rey stepped forward. The other six followed suit.

The Trandoshan slunk by, depositing a foul-smelling tankard in front of Ren, who promptly licked his lips and guzzled at least half of it down.

Then he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and leaned forward. "You want to tell us who you killed, Mr. Ben Solo?" Ren asked.

And so, with Ren and all seven of his faceless Knights staring him down, stirring up his blood and making his heart race, Ben told the story. He recounted in detail how he'd grown up with Voe, Hennix, and Tai. Voe was always trying to compete with Ben. Hennix was more of an intellectual who puzzled things out in the Force. And Tai… Ben was closest to Tai. He was the only one who tried to understand him.

Ben left out the next part, the part about Luke's betrayal. How he'd tried to murder his own nephew in his sleep.

He picked up again after the temple was destroyed and the three Jedi students came after him. Voe came at him hard and he was distracted with her when Hennix attacked. He defended himself, killing Hennix. Then he destroyed the Jedi outpost, bringing down the stone structure over his friends to trap them while he escaped. They could still be trapped now for all he knew.

"Hmmm, what do you think guys?" Ren asked.

All seven knights stared silently, smoke drifting in the air behind them. The one with the facemask made from cobbled together scraps, even went so far as to cross his arms and Ben felt his heart drop into his stomach. Did he really belong here? If not here, then where did he have left to go?

"I agree. It's a death, but not a good death," Ren said. "Not good enough."

Panic gripped him by the throat and he swallowed hard against it. He could not fail Snoke. He had no one else. "I killed him. I killed Hennix. A Jedi."

"Yeah, but you didn't really want it," Ren said, raising an eyebrow.

Ren let the comment hang in the air for a long moment before he quirked his lip into a smirk and shrugged. "But Snoke vouched for you, and you're strong in the shadow, and that's not nothing. Let's spend some time, see if you like us, see if we like you." He felt a shifting sensation in the Force nearby, curiosity, relief. But no, he was sure he imagined it as the ripple of feeling disappeared like a drop of water into an ocean. "Maybe you'll find that good death after all."

What was that? Gods, his head was starting to ache, a sharp needling in his left temple from all of this insanity.

Ren pushed himself off his stool and replaced his mask, instantly becoming a faceless killer once more. And Ben wanted to hide amongst them. Truly hide, because wasn't he now just the same as them? He'd killed a Jedi. A member of the very order he'd sworn to protect. And being faceless seemed like a great relief at the moment.

"The kid looks like trash. An actual pile of garbage. Find him some clothes," Ren said, elbowing the Knight with the spotting screen attached to his mask. Was this one a sniper then?

"I mean, we're the Knights of Ren," he said to no one in particular, "we have a reputation."

And with that, Ren led the other Knights out of the cantina.

Ben tried not to watch the sway of Rey's hips as she left, still joking with Vicur. But he was transfixed. There was something strange about her, like they'd met before. Maybe she had been there that day when Master Luke confronted the Knights after all. Could it be that he'd just forgotten?

Someone cleared their throat in his ear, the sound rasping through a vocoder. "Better stop staring at that one or Vicrul will kick your ass. Come on kid." It was the Knight tasked with finding Ben some clothes and he was gesturing for him to follow. Ben swallowed his embarrassment and trailed behind the man, getting a full view of the Knight's chosen weapon as he did so. And it was in fact an enormous blaster rifle. Sniper indeed. "I'm Kuruk," he said from over his shoulder. "Let's get you cleaned up."


	2. Kuruk Wins a Bet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I should be focusing on finishing my Post-TROS fix-it fic, [Haunted](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21870838/chapters/52200319), but I have this itch to write a different version of Ben. So, who am I to deny the writing frenzy? (Update on Haunted – Chapter 31 is written, just working on illustrations now)
> 
> As always, let me know what you think of this one!

GeeGee's yellow sensors glowed in greeting as Ben stepped into the cockpit of the _Grimtaash._

"Master Solo! A pleasure to see you. Will you be requiring your ship? I can start preparations and have her ready in less than two minutes." As always, the droid's voice was gratingly cheerful. Geegee initiated a full scan of Ben and jerked his head in surprise. "Master Solo, you've made a change in your appearance. My system memory tells me you haven't used a wardrobe outside of your Jedi robes since you came to train with Master Luke."

"Yeah, Geegee. I won't be needing those robes anymore."

The leader of the Knights of Ren had said he looked like a pile of trash. But even after dumping the tattered robes, making a visit to the 'fresher, and donning a crisp set of clothes, Ben still _felt_ like a steaming pile of garbage.

And Ben had to suppress yet another wave of overwhelming emotion, a warm heat that prickled behind his eyes, drawing memories to the surface of his vision.

All he could see were Luke's angry, accusing eyes as they reflected the emerald glow of his lightsaber. Ben had barely been able to parry in time, still groggy from sleep. But he'd managed to bring down the walls of his room to keep Luke away, killing him in the process.

Even with the evidence of his death laid before them, Snoke and the other students didn't think it possible. After all, how could someone like Ben ever measure up to the legendary Luke Skywalker?

But what other explanation could there be? Because for the first time in his life, he could no longer sense his uncle in the Force.

Ben sank down into the pilot's chair, recalling so many times when Luke had sat here instead, and Ben had been so proud to be his co-pilot on some mission or another.

Mercifully, Geegee did not question him further. The droid had learned over the years that Ben was prone to these moods and never pried. Instead, he sat quietly, no more intrusive than a large, silver waste container, waiting for his next order.

Ben was glad for this short respite from real, organic eyes as he tried to collect himself. An impossible task, he knew. Because Ben had never been able to find the peace the other Jedi students spoke of during meditation. He'd always felt just as he did right now, like a volcanic explosion was threatening just below the surface, and would erupt cold and dark, burying him and everything he cared about.

He knew Luke could sense it. He'd known for years, but Ben had tried so hard. Tried so, so hard to live up to everyone's expectations. To be a Jedi. To be the _best._

Well, now Ben could see how far that had gotten him.

A single tear slid hot down his cheek, staining his new black uniform of the Knights of Ren. And Ben vowed it would be the last tear he cried for his old life. He didn't have to try to be that something anymore. And maybe there was a new freedom in that.

Because now, he didn't have to stop the darkness. He didn't have to contain the eruption, because there was no one left to care about, no one left to be burned by his failures.

He stared out the viewport, watching the dented, rust-buckets come and go in this mid-rim sludge hole, hardly seeing, hardly feeling. And eventually, as it always did when he let his guard down, a trickle of Force found its way in. A pressure, a cold fog of darkness and he let it drift over him. For the first time, he let down his walls and let the dark feelings flow.

A ripple of warmth sliced through the cold fog in his mind, like a spear of light, it warmed him from the inside, and he stood suddenly. His body went rigid, both surprised and soothed to feel the familiar touch of this Force, an energy he would recognize anywhere.

"Mother." He whispered her name into the silent cockpit.

He swallowed hard, having a hard time passing air into his lungs. His mother. Gods, how could he explain to her what had happened? She'd never believe it.

It had been so long since they'd spoken, but here, now, her intention was unmistakable. The warmth and unconditional love radiating in the Force around him was so strong, he found his eyes prickling with heat again, his lips pressing together to keep them from wobbling.

Then, it was gone.

Because as suddenly as her Force had appeared to him, it was driven out. Like an airlock left open in space, all of her warmth and light was sucked out into a black void and Ben was left wondering if he'd imagined it, wanting so much to feel loved that he conjured thoughts of his mother.

Pathetic.

Soon, a different feeling emerged from a place just beyond his consciousness, a light scrape of claws against his mind accompanied by voice he knew all too well.

_My boy._

"Snoke."

_Did you make contact with the Knights of Ren?_

Ben blinked, trying to shove out the confused emotions swirling around in his mind, praying that Snoke couldn't sense them.

"I did. I can't say they seemed very impressed with me, but I'm sure once they see what I can do…"

_I wouldn't worry about them. They will soon come to appreciate your talents._

"They mentioned a mission. They're headed to the Minemoon of Mimban to find the relic there. It's supposed to carry significant power. Have you heard of it? The Mindsplinter?"

 _And you will be going with them?_ Snoke ignored his question, as he often did.

"Yes. I'm just getting the _Grimtaash_ docked here and I'll be flying with them."

_Good. Make use of this mission, my boy. For the first time, you can use the Force as you like. No Luke to tell you what to do or how to act or to shame you for testing your power._

Perhaps Snoke had a point. Maybe he should try harder to embrace this mission.

"Ok. I'm heading out now."

And with that, he felt the claws slide back out of his mind and he was alone again.

"Geegee, I want you to stay here with the ship. I'll be back in a few days."

"Is everything in order Master? You appear," he paused, as though rifling through his vocabulator for the right word. "Shaken."

"Just tired," he said, feeling the truth of those words as a palpable weight on his shoulders.

Ben forced his legs into stride, heading to the shiny cargo bay door to look his reflection up and down. Kuruk had found him a pair of black pants and boots, and a short black jacket which he'd covered with a chest holster. Ben dropped his hand to his hip, feeling for the blaster at his side, and then crossed his arm over his left shoulder, running fingers over the lightsaber holstered there. He looked the part of a Knight of Ren.

 _Almost,_ he thought.

And Ben wiped the damp trail of tears off his cheek with the back of his hand and donned the same mask he'd worn for years. Not a true mask as the Knights of Ren used, but an expression, a façade that hid the truth of who he was. Because despite everything he'd been through, he still wasn't sure what Ben Solo was supposed to look like without that mask.

* * *

"Look who decided to join us lady and gents?" Ren's voice echoed across the launchpad outside of the _Night Buzzard_ and Ben couldn't help but stop short to admire the ship. Now that the sun's light was spilling dawn over the horizon, he could appreciate the lethal edges of what once was an Oubliette-class prisoner transport, but after the modifications the Knights had made, was now something completely different. Its weapons systems were heavily upgraded with both front, mid, and rear cannons and it boasted thrusters that seemed far too large for its hull. Ben wondered where the vessel drew the extra power. The ion engines would need to be enormous to handle that kind of power demand. Overall, the ship gave the impression of a vicious, black bird of prey, true to its name, _Buzzard._

"Well, stop gawking and load up. We've been waiting on you," Ren said.

The rest of the Knights began filing in and Ben made a conscious effort not to pick Rey out of the group. He'd decided not to pay her a single glance, because the last thing he needed was an ass-kicking from Vicrul to top off his day.

Kuruk stood leaning against the hull as Ben passed, his massive rifle tucked under an arm. "What do you think?" he said, gesturing to the _Night Buzzard._

"Looks like whoever did these modifications has a death wish," Ben said.

Kuruk went silent and Ben wished he hadn't opened his mouth. But then, the Knight tipped his head back and laughed, an unexpected sound and one that was so contagious, it enticed a smile out of Ben, even under the circumstances.

Kuruk, gulping air between laughs, slid his helmet off and a spill of auburn hair settled onto his shoulders. Clean shaven, with expressive eyes, he too, looked nothing like Ben had expected. "You're looking at him, kid. The one with the death wish."

"This is yours?" Ben asked.

"Not mine exactly. It's ours," he said gesturing inside to the rest of the Knights. "But I fly the beast, and I've done the bulk of the modifications myself."

"Impressive," Ben said. And for the first time, he thought maybe Snoke was right. Maybe he could have a place here. The other Jedi students, they'd never understood his fascination with flight, with ships, with pulling back that throttle and just going _fast_.

"The others were taking bets," Kuruk said. "Thought you'd decided to run off on us."

"Nah, just had to made sure my ship would still be here when we got back."

Kuruk slapped his shoulder. "Good, you just won me fifty credits."

Then he slipped his helmet back on and he was a featureless member of the crew once more.

Ben followed Kuruk onto the ship, trying to memorize the layout. Dimly lit by glowing red running lights, the corridor eventually led to a sparse, main hold. There were enough seats for each Knight and two tables in the corner, but it was obvious these meager furnishings had been an afterthought. All sharp edges and metallic lines, this ship was not built for comfort.

They didn't linger in the hold long, instead, turning farther up the corridor to the crew cabins.

"Here's your little nook," Kuruk said, patting the top bunk in a cabin much smaller than Ben had ever slept in, even on the Falcon. "See you at splashdown."

"Splashdown?" Ben asked, throwing his pack onto the bunk.

"Yeah, we're headed to Mimban. Nothin' but swamps and mines. Should be a good time."

Ben felt a jolt as the engines engaged, rumbling the durasteel floors and Kuruk released a stream of choice curses under his breath. "Damn it, Ren, I told him to wait on me before running the repulsorlifts!"

Kuruk led Ben in a half-jog back to the main hold. A putrid mixture of smoke and reactor fluid had begun to recycle through the ventilators and not for the first time this trip, Ben was convinced he wouldn't make it out of this alive.

"Don't mind the smell, just need a few more exhaust vents. It should clear out in a minute or two," Kuruk called over his shoulder.

Just as they had picked up into a full jog, they were stopped in their tracks, running nearly headlong into Rey and Vicrul as they came around the corner.

Ben didn't miss the way Kuruk stepped back to allow the much smaller, female figure more space. A tense moment passed before Ben watched the woman's shoulders fall, as if in defeat, before she fished a few credits out of the small pouch at her belt and shoved them into Kuruk's already outstretched hand. Vicrul, too, deposited a stack of credits and Kuruk stuffed the chips into an inner jacket pocket.

Then, slowly, Rey lifted her masked face to study Ben, and he could feel her stare, knowing it was not friendly, but still, unable to repress the immediate flush of his cheeks. Along with the heat of her gaze came that icy brush of energy, fingers of frozen darkness searching for entry into his thoughts. But this time, Ben was ready, reaching out with the Force, meeting her probing touch at the gateway of his mind.

And it was like a thermal detonator had exploded across his vision. A sudden, jarring, rip of heat against his consciousness before the sensation winked out like a dying star.

"He doesn't belong here," she snapped, stumbling once before catching herself against the wall. "You'll be the one paying _me_ after this next mission, Kuruk," she said, practically spitting venom with each word.

"Relax, Rey. Kid's not so bad," Kuruk said. "But if you two want to make another bet, you know where to find me."

And with that, Kuruk strutted smugly toward the cockpit, even daring to give a mock-bow to Rey as he went. Ben stood awkwardly in the corridor, still trying to recover from that flare of Force energy, rubbing his eyes to stop from seeing double and praying his face had lost that traitorous flush.

And he did not want to look at her again, could not look at her again, but it was as though his body was not his own in that moment. His eyes were drawn to her despite all rational thoughts of self-preservation and avoidance of ass-kickings. He couldn't help studying the way her delicately gloved fingers were fisted at her side, opening and closing anxiously. He couldn't ignore the rise and fall of her shoulders with her rapid breaths, or the thrum of her energy as it battered against his self-control like the icy swells of a glacial sea.

_Focus. Gods, please, not again._

"Come on," Vicrul said, his gruff voice breaking the spell. "Skywalker's star pupil looks like he could use some alone time… to unwind." There was no mistaking the sarcastic twist on the last two words and Ben had to fight to swallow his rage.

Rey didn't say another word. She just straightened her back and shoulders, not even sparing Ben another glance, before drifting by as though nothing had ever happened, leaving him to wonder if this was all a product of his imagination, stress, or a lack of sleep.

And he continued to stand there frozen, staring at the uneven blink blink of the running lights, breathing in toxic fumes that had no place inside of a ship, until a slap on his back brought him joltingly back to reality.

"Hey kid," Ren said, looking Ben up and down. "Whaddya say we go find something to burn?"


	3. The Jedi Gets a Peek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out on the front lines working with COVID patients, I can tell you I am absolutely exhausted – physically and mentally. My region has been hit very hard. This is my escape from reality, and I realize how much I need to write just to help myself stay sane. I hope you all are well. I want everyone to know how much I appreciate all of your comments, they are a bright spot in my day. Truly. 

Unfortunately for the Knights of Ren, that "something to burn" was still several hours away. And though Kuruk was speeding them across the galaxy as fast at the _Night Buzzard_ would take them, that still meant that they had some time to kill.

Which had invariably led to drinking and gambling.

Ben watched the Sabacc game with glazed eyes, exhausted from attempting to keep a mental shield over his thoughts since they'd started their journey toward Mimban. Not only that, but he had actually forgotten the last time he'd had a full night's sleep.

Empty glasses and bottles littered the table and most of the Knights' credit chips were now in the possession of either Vicrul or Trudgen, the two remaining players. Trudgen had just earned a huge pot off Ushar, a Kel Dor male with a thick accent. And now, Ushar had thrown his helmet across the room and was standing, bellowing Kel Dor curses, which echoed off the metallic walls all around.

"You rip me off! How you know what I have?" Ushar seized Trudgen's jacket, pulling him close until Trudgen's helmet was pressed against his wrinkled, pink forehead.

A thick silence coated the room and Ben could sense the shadow hanging in the air, waiting for one of the Knights to latch on to it.

Ben braced for the explosion of darkness.

It never came.

Because Trudgen, the picture of calm, slowly peeled Ushar's fingers off his coat before straightening to his full height and wrenching off his helmet. The helmet itself was a fierce looking thing that reminded Ben of the old death trooper armor, but the face underneath was even more brutal. Twisted with scars on one side, it was obvious Trudgen had been burned and never seen a med-droid. "I do not cheat, Ushar. Back off."

Ushar glanced behind Trudgen, to where the other Knight's immense vibrocleaver sat propped against the chair and obviously thought better of making trouble.

"Double or nothing," Ushar offered.

"No, no, no. No double or nothing," Vicrul interrupted with a drawling, half-slurred string of words, before taking another long swig off his grog. "It's me and Trudgen now. The rest of you pussies can sit down and cheer us on."

And while some of the other Knights were crude or unapproachable, there was something about Vicrul in particular that made Ben's blood boil. His raspy voice, the way the others seemed to back off from his taunts and let him do whatever he wanted. But especially the way Rey seemed to hang on his every word. Just as she was doing now, leaning forward, revealing a peek of her muscular legs from between the folds of her skirts.

Ben centered his breathing, latching onto the Shadow he could feel pulsing through his veins and focusing on it, instead of Rey's perfect curves. It was a strange sensation, to let the darkness in. He hadn't dared around Luke. But here, in the dead of space, it didn't feel all that different than manipulating the Force using the Light. The Force was the Force and it did help, allowing him to bring his attention back to the game.

The cards were dealt, and bets were placed, Vicrul tossing his chips about as if they were play credits for a children's hologame.

Ben couldn't see anyone's cards from where he sat, but he did have a perfect view of Rey, who had yet to acknowledge his existence since their exchange in the corridor. The last hour, while the other men played Sabacc, Ben had been playing this endless game of mental tug of war to try to keep himself focused away from this gods-be-damned woman. But now, he realized he'd been tugged back again despite his best efforts.

And that was it. He'd officially exhausted his mental control. So, at that moment, he decided, he was all in.

He reached out to her, curiosity finally winning out over his better judgement, and he sensed her pull on the Shadow immediately. She was fixed on something, lightly tugging the Force, weaving in and out near Trudgen's energy signature.

Interesting.

Then, he watched her lean closer to Vicrul, her fingers lightly pressing on his shoulder.

"I raise you everything I've got." Vicrul's voice cut through the other Knight's chatter, bringing everyone back into the game again.

"Well boys and girls," Trudgen said, leaning back on his chair. "This is a curious turn of events. Very curious. But I wonder if Vicrul would be willing to remove his mask, to show me whether or not he is bluffing."

"Trudgen, you couldn't read a bluff if I'd written it on my forehead," Vicrul teased.

Some of the others muttered their surprise at the insult, Trudgen was a well-respected crew member it seemed, and Vicrul was getting close to crossing a line.

Still, the cocky Knight took the challenge, releasing a clip at the jawline of his helmet and pulling it off. He plunked it loudly onto the table and stared back at Trudgen, raising an eyebrow over one green eye before leaning back and raking a hand through his blonde waves. And Ben wanted to punch the smug expression off that handsome face more than he'd ever wanted anything in his life.

"I never bluff, my friend," Vicrul gloated, "you should know that."

Ben glanced to Rey and instantly regretted it. Her shoulders bobbed with laughter and she rested a light hand on Vicrul's thigh. Ben could sense waves of amusement, could feel that she was bubbling with a tipsy kind of glee and he wondered what the woman had been drinking. He hadn't seen her remove her mask. He would have noticed that.

But he let his thoughts reach toward her mind just a touch too long, because she noticed. And she responded by slamming her mental shields down against him like an icy wall, even as her masked stare came to rest on his face. This time, Ben stared back, curiosity again winning out over nerves, wanting to see what she would do if he let the light pressure of his mind brush softly against her mental walls once more. He felt an exhilarating shudder in the Force and slowly, unexpectedly, she opened herself to him.

He felt the cool slide of her Shadow against his senses, just a light graze that sent gooseflesh prickling up his arms. Gods, it was as if she was actually touching him _,_ as if she was physically running those delicate fingers against his bare skin, and he felt himself leaning out of his seat instinctively, wanting to draw closer, begging for another feather-light caress. And did he imagine it? Her sharp intake of breath echoing through his amplified senses?

They stayed there, locked in a strange, instinctual dance of their mutual Force, energies twisting and twining together and Ben was suddenly aware of the drumbeat of his heart against his chest. He was sure his blood was crashing so loudly through his veins that Rey might actually hear the way she was affecting him, or feel the way she'd brought heat, unbidden and unexpected, to burn in the deepest most private places inside of himself.

Several more heartbeats passed before Rey released several words through those frozen mental shields, sending them straight into his thoughts.

_Cool trick. Now get the hell out of my mind._

Then, she was an icy glacier of impenetrable Force once more and Ben was left doubly embarrassed, with the stirrings of arousal blooming in his core and the sting of injured pride coloring his cheeks.

He swallowed, trying very hard to re-adjust a new problem between his legs without drawing any attention and coaxing his heart into a regular rhythm.

By the gods, what was this woman doing to him? How did she have him behaving like a hormonal teenager? And without ever showing her face?

A second later, when Rey spoke out loud to the rest of the crew, it was with a much rougher voice than he'd just heard in his mind, thanks to her vocoder. "Maybe we should ask our new friend whether he thinks Vicrul is bluffing."

Trudgen lifted a lip into a grotesque imitation of a smirk thanks to the web of scars on his cheek. "Good idea, Rey. Let the ex-Jedi see what he makes of you, Vicrul."

And Ben wanted to hide, wanted to melt away completely. But this was a challenge from Rey and he was going to meet her head on. Because he was running out of time to prove himself a worthy ally to the Knights of Ren, instead of the butt of every joke.

Ben reached out with his feelings, testing his ability to manipulate the Force into a weapon, something to use to break through into Vicrul's mind. Gods, Luke would be livid.

 _No more masters,_ he reminded himself.

Then he cast about for the Shadow, wrapping it around Vicrul's energy, probing for a way inside. It was too easy. Unlike Rey, it was obvious Vicrul hadn't had any formal training in shielding his mind. And quickly, delicately, hoping Vicrul wouldn't notice, he cut into the man's most immediate thoughts, hoping something would surface.

And there it was, just a glimmer. An image of something…

Smiling to himself, Ben withdrew his shadowy touch and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms behind his head.

"He's bluffing," Ben confirmed.

This proclamation was followed by a noisy outburst from the Knights around the table.

But Trudgen remained quiet, only nodding to Ben, before piling all of his remaining credits in the middle of the table. "I call," he said, dark eyes glinting with the promise of a win as he stared across the heaping pot at his competition.

Vicrul nodded.

More hoots and fists pounding around the table and Trudgen made a very deliberate show of placing each of his cards face up on the table. "Bantha's wild, old friend."

And the buzzing chatter was back. Having been offered a victor, the Knights drained the rest of their drinks and pushed their chairs out, ready to stand as Trudgen leaned forward and began raking in the stray credits near the edges of the table.

"Not so fast." And Vicrul held up a hand, smiling a wide smile with perfect teeth that Ben wanted to knock out one by one.

He waited a beat for dramatic effect, then, Vicrul laid down four cards in sequential order all totaling a perfect zero. "Straight staves."

And the room exploded in simultaneous laughter and booming proclamations of disbelief. Some clapped Vicrul on the shoulder, others held drinks in the air in mock toast to the winner.

Trudgen on the other hand, turned to stare at Ben. A silent stare that warned Ben that he had approximately thirty seconds left to live.

But Ben met that cold stare and stood tall. From the back of the room, he crossed the main hold to loom over the table and glared hard at Vicrul. Then, before the man could fight back, he held him unmoving in the Force, grasping for the Shadow to choke all of the motion from his muscles. Vicrul's eyes went wide and he shook with the effort of trying to free himself, but like a fly caught in a spider's web, struggling was pointless. And with the eyes of every Knight of Ren on him, Ben pushed up Vicrul's sleeve to reveal a wrist-band full of sabacc cards.

The cargo hold erupted in accusations, screams and yells from the other Knights demanding their money back. And in the chaos, Ben released his hold on Vicrul, heart racing from the adrenaline of such a violent use of the Force, and stepped away from the table, seeking out his quiet seat across the room once more.

He sank into his chair, feeling his chest rise and fall, the shadow still tingling in his blood and he couldn't remember the last time he felt so alive.

As the other Knights fought over who owed who exactly how much, Ben let his eyes settle on Rey. Unafraid of whether she would notice or not, he cast out again with his Force toward her mind. She let him in, the roar of the other Knights drowning out Ben's hammering heartbeat as he felt her open the door to her mind again, long enough for him to slip some words through.

_Your boyfriend's a cheating piece of nerf scat. And if you don't want me revealing your role in his winnings, I suggest you stop doing whatever you are doing to me._

Then, she was in _his_ mind. _He's not my_ boyfriend. _Maybe you should stop making assumptions about me, Ben Solo._

And despite the shock of her intrusion into his head, and the sharp rebuke that came with it, Ben had to spend a considerable amount of energy trying not to be physically affected by the touch of her Force and the relief brought by her denial of Vicrul.

For Force's sake, why did he even care if she wasn't attached?

He'd thought their strange discussion was finished, he'd already begun to turn over what she'd said in his mind again and again. But once more, _she_ reached out. This time gently, a light stroking touch against his walls and he let her in. _And whatever is happening with the Shadow between us, is not my doing._

Then she was collecting her things at the table and turning away from him, leaving him with a hundred questions cycling about in his thoughts.

At the table, Trudgen was scooping piles of credits into his inner jacket pockets as Vicrul stood staring at him, teeth bared.

Then, Vicrul's gaze flitted dangerously to Ben. "Next time, mind your own business Jedi, or I swear to the Gods, I'll send you packing myself."

Ben stood, not wanting to show fear now that he'd finally gained some ground. But Ren was there, tugging him back onto his stool by the elbow. "Alright kid," he said. "Better give it a rest tonight. Vicrul just lost a lot of money and the boys have had a fair amount of alcohol."

Then, Ren strode to the table and pulled off his own mask, looking at every Knight in turn. "Okay crew, big day tomorrow. Better get a few winks before we set the night on fire."

Chairs scraped the floor as the Knights cleaned up their game and dragged themselves, most of them several hundred credits lighter, to their bunks.

Ren caught up with Ben on the way to his cabin. "What was that back there, anyway? How'd you know about Vicrul?"

"I read his thoughts. It's sort of a backwards version of the Jedi mind trick. Snoke taught me."

And Ben wanted to tell the rest of the story. Wanted to let him know that Rey had the same power to delve into other people's minds. That she was reading the thoughts of the other players and indicating to Vicrul through touch whether he should raise more money or call.

They had quite the con going. And Rey was not just an innocent bystander. Ben could earn the rest of the Knights' trust by bringing the entire scam to light, including Rey's part in it…

But when he went to open his mouth to tell Ren everything, all he could say was. "Yes, Vicrul has been playing your crew all along."

Ren's lip twitched, obviously miffed he hadn't been the one to unearth the con himself. "Well shit in my sarlacc pit."

And that was all Ren said before turning to head to his own bunk, leaving Ben to wonder yet again, what had just happened.

Eventually, later that night as he stared at the ceiling of his bunk trying to sleep, he settled on the theory that perhaps Rey had mind tricked him after all.


	4. Mama's Boy Gets a Beat Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I expect to be able to update by next week at the latest. I had a head start with updates early on as I had several chapters written already when I posted the first one. I'm curious what you all think about this story though, since it's a bit different. I'm having a great time with it and I hope you are, too!

A repetitive thumping dragged Ben from his dreams. He jolted upright, banging his head hard, the dark erupting into streaks of blinding pain across his vision.

He looked around, for the familiar moonlight streaming through the window, for his saber at his bed-stand, for his calligraphy, his books. Anything familiar.

There was only pitch black and unfamiliar laughter.

He breathed in deeply, trying to gather himself and remembered. He'd fallen asleep in the tiny bunk above Kuruk's and was now being jostled awake.

The laughter was coming from a bed nearby, but Kuruk's voice below him said, "You were talking in your sleep, kid."

"Sorry." And Ben was tempted to break into someone's mind to find out what exactly he'd been talking about.

For Force's sake, he hoped it wasn't too bad.

But there was nothing to do about it now, so Ben resigned himself to listen to the sounds of the other Knights settling in their bunks nearby as he stared into that pitch black nothing for hours before he was finally drawn back into sleep.

* * *

After what felt like no more than a nap, Ren had the lights in the _Buzzard's_ cabin blazing down on them in an attempt to get them moving.

"It's showtime," Ren said, through the overhead comm system. And with the stirrings of a headache already pulsing in his temples, Ben strapped on his weapons and slid boots onto his feet to follow the other Knights towards his first mission.

As he emerged from the _Buzzard,_ the damp air wrapped around him like a second skin. And Kuruk was right about splashdown, because there was nothing but stagnant swamp as far as the eye could see. And he couldn't see much. They'd arrived at dark and with no moon visible, the only light was provided by the few glow-rods they'd brought along. As they waded through gods knew what, Ben tried to ignore the constant stares from the others over what he guessed was last night's disruption.

Between the stares, the foul-smelling sludge beneath his feet, and trying very hard not to let the touch of his Force land anywhere near Rey, he was mentally exhausted before they even reached the hyperbaride mine. But finally, Ren waved a hand for them to halt their march.

The leader of the Knights stood at the precipice and removed his helmet, gazing down at the blue glow of the precious ore reflecting off the mine's walls below. Then he lifted his eyes to settle on Ben as he spoke. "Remember, you don't follow me, you follow this," he said.

He unclipped the lightsaber strapped to his hip and set it ablaze. It glowed scarlet, reflecting off the visors and vocoder grids of the other Knights huddled around.

"This is the Ren."

Ben saw some nods from the others as the speech continued. "The Ren doesn't stop to worry about what it's burning or the right or wrong of it, or the goals it might achieve. The Ren just _is._ It lives, it consumes, and it doesn't apologize. It is its nature and nothing else."

And as he watched the blood-red plasma buzz and spit, Ben couldn't help pondering the nature of _his_ true self? Had he ever allowed himself to find out?

 _Remember, my boy. No restraint. Let go and just_ be.

And with that, one by one, the Knights jumped down into the mineshaft.

* * *

The miners of Mimban were not warriors. In fact, most had fallen to their knees immediately after seeing one or two of their brethren fall. It seemed almost too easy. They'd be able to reach the Mindsplinter with very little resistance, if they could find where the Mimbanese had hidden it.

Now, they stood before the leader of the Mimbanese crew, the one the others had pointed to when Ren had asked who was in charge. But this one wasn't talking. And Ren's patience was clearly running thin.

Ren stood behind the trembling Mimbanese miner, then, without warning, he crashed a booted foot into the miner's back, sending him to his knees. The miner brought his hands to his face in a desperate attempt to protect himself as Ren brandished his saber inches from his ear, its buzz like a swarm of killer insects echoing off the stone all around.

"You know, I think I'll just kill him," Ren said, looking over his shoulder at the other Knights. "If he won't give us what we're looking for, one of the others will."

A puddle of urine was spreading below the trembling man and Ben could take it no longer.

"Ren, wait," he said. "There could be another way."

And Ben closed his eyes, tasting the feel of the Dark Side, the Shadow, as the Knights of Ren had labeled it. And he used it to spear open the miner's mind, cracking open a space for himself. The more he practiced, the easier it had become, and he began rifling through, searching thoughts, feelings, emotions, some hint as to the location of the Mindsplinter…

"Stop!" Another miner called out, "You're killing him!"

But Ben kept searching, "No, I'm just looking through his mind," he muttered, consumed in the darkness now as he kept up his unrelenting search.

Then, a flash. An image of a snake and a stairwell. He grabbed for the memory and wrenched it from the man's mind. Instinctively, Ben knew it would hurt, like tearing off a limb, but it was better than killing him.

The miner fell face first onto the floor, breathing heavily, but alive.

"I have it," Ben said, panting. "It's three levels down, in a sealed chamber to the southwest. The entrance is marked with a carving of a red snake."

Every Knight straightened, including Rey, and Ben felt a wave of awe in the energy around them as Ren spoke. "I'm beginning to see why Snoke thought you'd be useful. Something like that could really come in handy."

And Ben felt a rush of adrenaline, of pride. He was beginning to gain their appreciation. And it didn't matter that he'd touched the darkness to do it.

"Anyway, thanks to you we have what we need, which means we can release these fine folks," Ren continued, gesturing to the rest of the miners. "Knights, if you would be so kind."

And from the corner of his eye, Ben watched Vicrul raise his scythe, the blade reflecting the blue glow of the hyperbaride ore crystals pulsing around them. The Knight never paused to take a breath as he slashed down across the necks of one Mimbanese miner after another. The other Knights joined and Ben felt Darkness dripping from the Force all around, and suddenly he was cold. Very, very cold.

As Ben watched the slaughter through hazy eyes, a familiar voice had pried its way into his thoughts. _The Jedi believed their endless rules and codes of behavior made them stronger. When in fact it made them rigid and so they were more easily broken. The Knights of Ren do as they please which lends them fluidity. Whatever they need to do to survive, to triumph, they will do._

"But Ren," he found himself saying out loud, "You said you would release them."

And the Leader of the Knights of Ren looked over his shoulder, to where Ben stood staring in disbelief at the growing pile of bodies. "I did," he said.

Then he motioned to the other Knights waiting nearby. "Three levels down, let's go."

Ben could have been wading through the swampy sludge again for how heavily his feet dragged with each step as he followed the Knights. And once they'd made it as far south as they could go, the nightmare didn't end.

Ben looked down from his vantage point three levels up. The miners knew what they'd come for and had positioned themselves against the door to protect their culture's sacred relic.

Dozens of Mimbanese stood between them and the artifact and Ben nearly choked on bile as he tried to push down the waves of nausea threatening to tow him under.

"Don't tell me you're scared, kid," Ren said. "Get down there. You're Jedi-trained, this should be easy for you."

Ben hesitated, unable to push himself to join the massacre.

"You know, Ben Solo, I'm beginning to wonder if you're everything Snoke said you were. If no one ever made it clear to you, the Knights of Ren _kill people._ Anyone who isn't us is fair game, and you friend, are running out of time to show me that you are, in fact, one of us."

Ben swallowed, watching the bloodbath begin to unfold down below as the Knights jumped down to the ground level.

"Ben!"

A voice echoed through the mine from above. He knew that voice. He raised his gaze and saw Tai several levels up, balanced on a narrow scaffold. Voe stood just beside him, lightsaber in hand. They'd survived the cave-in on Elphora and come to finish what they'd started.

"Who are they?" Ren asked.

And with the weight of betrayal heavy on his shoulders, Ben grasped for the saber at his back, and flicked the trigger, letting the blaze of blue be his answer.

"The past," he said, reaching out for the Shadow like he never had before, letting it fill him, letting it strengthen his movements and he leaped. He scaled one entire level at a time, not bothering with the stairs at all, as cold Force rushed through him.

Tai had separated, jumping down below to help the miners against the Knights, but Ben stayed after Voe. She was the strongest fighter and he would be the one to face her.

She felt Ben's approach and sprang away, pushing with the Force to gain momentum, causing a collapse of an entire scaffolding structure along the western wall. Metal screamed against stone in an unearthly, high-pitched wail as the scaffolding shifted dangerously.

Ben reached out, gripping for the metal, holding it in place to keep from crushing the Knights who were fighting the miners below. But it was so heavy, he felt the weight of the Force on his shoulders, sweat beading on his forehead as he tried to lower it softly to give them time to move.

But Voe had him in his sights, and she was coming fast.

Ben raised his saber to parry, muscles clenching as she delivered a hard slash against his raised weapon and in his distraction, he felt the scaffolding slip through his grasp. This caused slabs of rock and massive crystals of hyperbaride to break free, causing the collapse of the entire western side of the mine. Screams issued from down below, followed by an explosion of groaning metal.

A dusty cloud of debris from the impact pushed high into the shaft, blowing through his hair, and he raised his weapon to meet Voe's again.

The Shadow shuddered all around, and his mind was filled with spectral voices, a sudden deluge of cold desperation before it bled into silence.

"Ushar! Ap'Lek!" Ren's voice echoed from several levels below and Ben knew who had been lost.

Ben narrowed his eyes at his Voe. She had killed them. She thought she was so much better than he was, so much more of a Jedi. But she was wrong. She was just a killer, too.

And that was when Ben let himself go.

Voe screamed, raining blows on him between shouted accusations. "You killed Hennix! You destroyed the temple, everything we've worked for!"

And Ben wrapped himself in the Shadow, feeling its chill burrow deep into the marrow of his bones. And as he did, he felt its power strengthen his muscles, quicken his reflexes and between Voe's slashes, he gripped his saber with two hands and spun a vicious attack at her midsection. She was forced to side-step, jumping to a lower level and Ben followed.

He spared a glance down to the main level of the mine. Tai was engaged with Trudgen and Vicrul, the rest were still moving ahead with their mission, slaughtering prisoners to reach the Mindsplinter.

"Look at you!" Voe cried. "Master Skywalker would be disgusted. You're using it, you're _actually_ using the Dark Side! Tai was wrong, you've already made your choice!"

And for the first time, Ben didn't care whether she was right. All he felt was a cold pulse, black and violent, snaking through his veins and he gathered it, like a dark curtain over sunlight until he could see nothing but the Shadow itself.

He unleashed the swell of power on Voe, crashing blow after blow down over her head until she lost her grip on her saber and stumbled to one knee. Her eyes reflected the blue blaze of his weapon as he held it to her neck, his hand trembling with anticipation. He could do it. He could kill her.

He glanced to the ground floor below. All of the Knights had stopped to watch, most from the ground level.

"Ben." Voe's pleading voice drew his eyes back to hers.

He pressed his lips together, willing himself to do it. She deserved it. She thought he was a killer, and he would show her how right she was.

But all he could do was stare, paralyzed, watching the tears make trails down her dusty cheeks.

Trudgen's voice echoed through the mine, cutting through the silence. "He can't do it!"

Vicrul's cruel laughter rang in his ears. "He calls out for his mother in his sleep, of course he can't do it!"

More laughter from down below and Ben's anger swelled, like a frozen tide it rose, ready to consume him and everyone nearby. Ben swallowed hard, never taking his eyes off Voe.

Ren approached from the scaffolding behind Voe, saber in hand. "One of you is going to die right now. Maybe both of you. And I've grown so impatient, I don't really care which it is."

Ben pulled his weapon hand back, gathering momentum for the killing blow. She deserved it. She'd always been jealous of his power.

_Yes my boy. Do it!_

And with a flash of black and red, a lithe figure appeared directly between he and Voe, dropping down from the level above with her palm extended. Ren's saber was called to her open hand in a powerful show of Force, and in one arcing slash of red plasma, Rey cut through Voe's neck, sending her decapitated body tumbling to the ground below.

Ben tried to scream, but his throat was locked tight. A strangling croak was all he could muster as he fought the overwhelming urge to sink to his knees. But he couldn't appear weak. He was already so close to being executed by the Knights, he could feel the judgment weighing on the Force itself.

_You're welcome._

It was _her_ voice in his head then. And he was such a confused mess of emotions that he had no control left to keep his mental defenses raised. Every thought was laid bare before her, his mind an open book for her to peruse at her pleasure.

But she didn't.

Even so, with his lightsaber locked in his trembling hand, a part of him wanted to fight her, to find a release for all of this pain. She had killed her. As easy as swatting an insect, she'd let Voe's head fly. And gods, the way it had rolled. The way her body had taken a second to relax into death, tumbling two levels down before thumping grotesquely to the ground.

So much death. So much _death_. It was a cacophony of wailing shadows, cries into the Force itself, shuddering wildly before it all settled into a thick, palpable silence.

But then she brushed that soft caress of ice across his chaotic emotions and all the fight drained from him.

_It was either you or her, and you know it._

And Rey turned from him then, deactivating Ren's saber and striding confidently to their leader, pressing the hilt back into his grip.

 _Why do you even care?_ he asked, sending the question straight into her mind, all the while hating the way his voice trembled with emotion, even as a projection in the Force.

She spared him one more glance before jumping down to the ground level, _I wish I kriffing knew._

Her cape fluttered behind her like the wings of some great dragon as she leaped, and the other Knights watched in silence as she strode toward the southwest chamber.

He could feel Ren's cold stare, even from underneath that featureless mask and Ben glanced down below to where the fighting had resumed, just to avoid his gaze. The Knights were cutting through the remaining miners as they made their way to the Mindsplinter, Rey already spearheading the effort.

Ben reached out to sense Tai and felt the faint pulse of his energy signature in the distance. He was still alive, but moving farther away.

Ren jumped to the ground floor, heading into the southwest passage. Ben followed, ignoring the bodies he was stepping over, his remaining energy focused on the sole task of putting one foot in front of the other, all the while keeping a distance between himself and the Knights. He could still sense their animosity churning like dark clouds in the Force.

A voice rang out from the chamber ahead. "I've got it!"

The Knights gathered in the center of the mine shaft, floors and floors of blue crystal looming above them, sparkling like a galaxy of stars in itself. Except in this galaxy the air was thick with the tang of blood and the char of flesh. Ben had to step over bodies to reach the circle of Knights all staring at the Mindsplinter.

"What the hell is it?" Trudgen asked, lifting away his mask to get a better view.

Ben, too, leaned forward to see the shard of crystal in Vicrul's open palm. Cut from a deep, crimson, it seemed to radiate energy from the inside, casting a red glow on the masked Knights all around. Vicrul released his helmet with his free hand, letting it fall to the ground before raising the Mindsplinter so they could all get a better look.

"I don't know, but I feel… "

And Ben watched Vicrul close his eyes, as he did, the crystal seemed to glow brighter and he felt an eddying darkness in the Force.

"It's a shard of ancient Kaiburr," Ben said, despite himself. "It magnifies the Force, but it's only a shard of a larger crystal, you can see where it was split."

The other Knights followed his finger to the rough edge of the crystal, all except for Vicrul. He looked up, suddenly realizing that Ben was still there and he narrowed his eyes. Ben felt a frozen wave of energy swell in the Force, just before Vicrul threw himself at him. "You son of a – "

And with the Mindsplinter in his hand, Vicrul was suddenly a power to be reckoned with. There was no time for Ben to grasp for the shadow to paralyze him like he had last night. No time to even raise his hands to block the blow. Vicrul's fist flew so quickly, Ben didn't even have time to sense it before it was crashing into his face.

His vision erupted in an agonizing display of white-hot lightning and the world began to ripple, like the ground itself was rolling and would soon swallow him up. Ben stepped back, barely catching his balance as he gagged on the metallic tang of blood that was suddenly everywhere.

"You worthless pile of bantha shit!" Vicrul roared. "Ushar and Ap'lek, dead!"

Vicrul shoved hard against his chest and Ben was in the dirt before he'd decided which way to try to dodge. His breath rushed out all at once as he hit ground.

"Two of our best warriors, dead! And for what? For a crying mama's boy! An ex-Jedi coward who couldn't even raise a weapon to defend his own crew?!"

And as Ben's world continued to spin, Vicrul kicked him with everything he had, a kidney shot, and Ben was sure his insides exploded with the force of it.

No one moved. Vicrul was staring down at Ben, crystal in hand and no one -

And then _her_ voice was everywhere. _Get up! You have to kriffing fight back!_

And when Vicrul reached over his shoulder to free his vibro-scythe, Ben knew Rey was right. They would all watch him be killed, because the Ren did what it liked.

It lived.

It consumed.

That was its nature.

And Ben had seen enough of the Knights of Ren to know he would be shown no mercy.


	5. The Jedi Teaches a Few Lessons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I know this is a very slow burn, and dark. It will stay somewhat dark for a while, but as is my style, I prefer to end on a happy ending. So I do promise you that. I appreciate all of your encouraging comments on the last chapter, they have spurred me on and I'm writing like crazy! Next installment by next weekend at the latest. Let me know what you think of this chapter!

Anger. Betrayal. Desperation. Hate.

Emotions he'd tried so hard to deny, now seemed all he could feel as he lay staring at the dark stain expanding on the ground below him.

His own blood.

Gods, he could actually die here. Vicrul could beat him unconscious and these could be his last breaths.

And for a few, pounding heartbeats, all he felt was fear. A fear that blossomed into something so massive, so expansive, all of his other dark emotions were swept into its current. And he wrapped himself in it, bundled the pain close to bring him power, shielded himself in the anger that raged through his veins.

If the Ren wanted to consume, he would give it something to feast on. And that something was not going to be him.

Ben could practically feel the Force freeze at his touch as he reached out through the veil of these new feelings.

_Yes… Yes, my boy! Use your fear…_

The Force grew cold, swelled, then twisted into a powerful shadow that he used to throw himself upright.

The other Knights took several steps back, obviously surprised Ben could even stand after suffering the beating they'd just witnessed, let alone have the energy for something like this.

The blow he'd taken to his back burned like fire and he drew from the pain, finding that it strengthened his hold on the Force.

And at one with the Shadow, he drew his lightsaber.

Vicrul was a black hole before him, sucking energy from the Force in all directions. And Ben knew it was the Mindsplinter. The shard was focusing his hold on the Shadow, allowing him power he'd never wielded before.

Vicrul didn't know the Force. Not really.

Ben had been a student of the Force since he was born.

He would show him how it was done, Mindsplinter or not.

And so, assuming the Djem So ready stance, as he had countless times with Master Luke, Ben squared himself to his opponent.

Vicrul's lip curled into a smile and he rested his scythe across one shoulder. He'd been waiting for this.

And suddenly, everything collapsed into one focused instant in Ben's mind. And he realized, if lost, he would join Voe in the Force. If not, he might live to fight another day. It was as simple as that.

And with the cold chill of darkness coursing through him, he hardly cared either way. And that was where he drew his power from. From a place of reckless emptiness, from a rage so deep it ached. This was how he made the Shadow his own.

Vicrul bared those perfect teeth again and Ben made up his mind, moving with the Shadow at his back, swiping his saber in a great downward slash onto Vicrul's scythe.

But the Mindsplinter's ability to focus strength was not something Ben had experienced before, and the Force itself seemed to deflect the blow, sending Ben reeling backwards. His muscles throbbed with the echo of the shock as he reset his stance.

He tried again, this time swiping a low arc of his blade across the other man's legs.

With a jolting crash, his saber locked against that scythe as Vicrul parried again. Ben clenched his jaw, fighting for leverage against the other Knight, but he was swatted away with another roll of the man's shoulders.

Ben took a step back, putting some space between them to strategize. This wasn't working.

Ben was strong. He'd always been more physically strong than the other students, and paired with his innate connection to the Force, that had made him hard to beat. But it wasn't enough tonight. Not even enveloped so thoroughly in darkness. It would not be enough.

He needed more.

Brute strength was all Vicrul knew. Ben had to be smarter than that.

And he knew just what to do.

Ben breathed deeply, shoulders relaxing with a long exhalation as he swathed himself in icy power and prepared the weapon he'd been polishing for the past few days.

Honed and ready, he sent the cold dagger of his mind toward Vicrul's thoughts, and like a sharpened spear, it cut right through. Ben reached his hand out, grasping physically for the Force, manipulating it, twisting it to find the right path towards control of Vicrul's mind.

But once inside, he began to meet with resistance, feeling Vicrul's attention, working to shove him out. He needed to move quickly.

 _You will give me the Mindsplinter._ He spoke the words straight into the other Knight's consciousness, layering the command with shadows of power pulled straight from the Force.

And Vicrul's arm began to raise, slowly, trembling with the effort of defying its own body. His green eyes widened in realization, staring at his own arm as though it was an unfamiliar enemy. The Force convulsed, torn in two directions and Vicrul's fingers wrapped tighter around the Mindsplinter. Ben was losing his hold, his grasp slipping slowly away from the Knight's thoughts.

Then, a wintry touch of familiar energy skimmed against Ben's mind. And he felt fingers of shadow twine around his own icy grasp, bracing his hold, reinforcing the strength of his manipulation. A tremor quaked through the Force and Vicrul's wide eyes relaxed into passive submission.

"I will give you the Mindsplinter." Vicrul's voice was a monotonous drone as he opened his hand, offering the crimson shard in his palm.

The obedient tone in Vicrul's voice sent a shiver of pleasure up Ben's spine and he reached out to grasp the crystal. Ben dipped his chin to gaze at each of the other Knights from under lowered brows. A challenge. An offer to step right up and join Vicrul if they dared.

None of them moved so much as an inch and Ben tucked the Mindsplinter into the pouch at his side.

And with another tender, grazing touch against his mental walls, that comforting support of cool darkness withdrew as quickly as it had come.

Vicrul shook his head, clearing his mind of the fog Ben had placed there and when he realized what had happened, the man raised his weapon again.

This time Ben was the one to smile.

"Had to use your mind tricks, huh, mama's boy?" Vicrul taunted. "Can't even beat me in a fair fight?"

Ben didn't hesitate. He had his blade moving against Vicrul's vibro-scythe in seconds, slashing down onto it again and again. Without the help of the Mindsplinter, the Knight's weapon screeched in protest with each blow and Ben lost himself in the sound of it, in the fear radiating from his opponent, in the roar of his blood crashing through his veins. It was in this song of battle that Ben finally found himself.

Each slam of his saber against the scythe was a relief of years of building darkness. A passion, a pleasure for the fight swelled and Ben was drunk on it. The darkness was everywhere and Ben was no longer afraid to use it. It gave him power, it focused his mind and all he saw were the wide eyes of Vicrul as Ben pushed him farther back until he had nowhere left to go, backed against the wall of the mine.

One more blow and Vicrul finally lost his grip and Ben sent the weapon flying from his outstretched hand. Trudgen had to dodge quickly to avoid the spinning blade before it finally settled to the ground.

Ben lunged forward, sinking his fist into the side of Vicrul's face, relishing the crunching pain as his knuckles buried themselves into the man's jaw. Blood sprayed against the jagged rock and Ben could only pray he'd knocked some of those perfect teeth loose.

Vicrul's eyes grew glazed and he braced himself against the wall with an outstretched hand. Ben's saber was pointed at Vicrul's neck a split-second later.

"I suggest you keep your mouth shut from now on. Unless you'd like me to permanently detach it from the rest of your body."

And for the first time since Ben had met the Knight, Vicrul had nothing to say in response.

"Alright, kid." It was Ren's voice from behind him. "You'll get that good death soon, I'm sure of it. But we've lost too many tonight. Lets take that crystal back to Snoke and go get our credits."

Ben glanced over his shoulder to Ren, who had taken off his mask. His blue eyes bored into him and he had the feeling Ren was being sincere. At least as sincere as someone like him could be. And the other Knights, too, had relaxed their postures. No longer standing so rigid, he didn't get the feeling they'd be ready to pounce on him as soon as he turned his back. Perhaps he'd earned a sliver of respect.

And Rey? Still masked, she stood farthest away but he could feel her eyes on him. And her energy… he sensed her thrill, her satisfaction and something else?

 _Thank you,_ Ben said. _For helping me._

He reached closer, trying to sense her reaction to his words, but she slammed that wall down before he could feel the echo of whatever emotion she was projecting.

Ben pressed his lips together in frustration.

 _Impossible woman,_ he thought.

Then, he deactivated his saber and slid it into his shoulder holster, before beginning the long climb to the surface of the Minemoon.

* * *

Night had begun to bleed into dawn, the sky growing purple with the sun's approach as they began the journey back to the _Buzzard._ The Knights were tense at first. Having lost two of their own, they were unusually quiet. But soon, with the promise of a huge reward for the Mindsplinter, the Knights all lightened up a bit and the typical chatter started up again.

Even at this early hour, the stagnant air was hard to breath, slowing Ben's steps as much as the thick swamp under his feet. Sweat ran in rivulets down his back, into his eyes. The others had gotten ahead, barely visible through the curtain of mist hanging over the swamp.

Kuruk seemed content to hang back from the other Knights, taking his time, falling into step beside Ben.

"I don't know how you got yourself out of that one, kid." Kuruk said, stretching a leg over a gnarled root in his path. He grunted a curse as his toe hooked onto a muck covered boulder on the other side. "I was sure you were a dead man."

"The Force wasn't done with me yet, I guess." They walked on, navigating fallen trees and patches of thick strangleweeds. "And I really am sorry about the other Knights," Ben finally said. "I tried to stop that cave in."

"I saw. And between you and me, it's a relief to be rid of Ap'Lek. He and I never saw eye to eye, to the point I was sure he was plotting how to slash my throat in my sleep. Now Ushar, I'll miss that Kel Dorian asshole."

They continued in silence, the only sounds made by the squelching mud beneath their feet and the angry calls of swamp creatures as they were forced from their damp hovels.

"It was incredible you held that scaffolding as long as you did," Kuruk finally said. "You mentioned The Force?"

And the way Kuruk said the last word, twisting it over his tongue clumsily, it was as though he was trying the sound of it for the first time. And for all Ben knew, Kuruk had never been told about the Force. These men had no formal training. They used pure instinct to tap into the Dark Side, and Ren had always called it the Shadow.

"It's what gives us our power," Ben said. "It's an energy that surrounds us. It's created by all living things and binds us together. Ren calls it the Shadow, but for Jedi it's not dark or cold at all. It's the way you use the energy that determines the nature of the power it brings."

Kuruk cocked his helmeted head in Ben's direction. "Can I learn to do what you did?"

"Sure. Stop here," he said, looking around for a dry place to sit. "Sit down over there, on that fallen tree." Ben pointed to a twisted trunk lying half submerged. "Its easier if you can relax your body completely at first."

Ben glanced ahead, the rest of the Knights were engaged in their own conversation and he hoped they wouldn't miss them for a while.

"They won't bother us, kid. You scared the shit out of them back there." He laughed then, the joyful cadence of it completely out of place in the dank gloom of the swamp. "I don't think they'll be messing with you for a while."

Ben felt a smile pull at his lip. "Alright," he said, searching for the best way to teach someone who had probably been using the Force unconsciously for years. "For me, The Force is that energy I naturally tap into when I'm in that pilot's seat. The instinct that tells me when to pull up or punch it, you know?"

Kuruk nodded and he sank down onto the dry half of the fallen tree poking out from the murky water. Ben felt an instantaneous shift in the man, sensing the signature of his Force roar to life.

"Now, cast those feelings around. What do you feel?"

Kuruk bowed his helmeted head and Ben heard a sharp intake of breath. "Death."

Ben wasn't shocked that the first thing Kuruk felt was the Shadow. The Knights had only known darkness, and the Dark Side was quicker and easier. But Ben encouraged him to reach farther. "What else?"

Then in the space of a few breaths, Kuruk had experienced the other side as well. "Life," his voice was breathy, a reverent half-whisper. "There's a pulse. An energy."

"Good," Ben said. "Let it flow through you. _That_ is the Force. Powerful light, powerful darkness."

Once Ben sensed Kuruk was there, suspended in the energy of the Force, he gave a direction. "Now, extend those feelings toward me. I will project a thought and I want you to grasp for it."

And Ben closed his eyes, too. Meditating on the sounds of the swamp, the rhythm of life from each tiny insect, the death and decay all around. The new growth born constantly from the same energy, feeding the cycle, and they were only a tiny fraction of all of it.

The other Knight's senses drifted loosely for another minute, unable to refine the course of his mind and Ben found his own meditation wandering as he waited, lured in by something at the edge of his senses. And Ben couldn't help but cast out farther with his feelings, drawn to a chaotic flare of power nearby.

Gods, it was like a solar storm in the Force. Angry, confused, churning with self-castigating energy.

And Ben was shocked when he realized that the frenzied storm of emotion was coming from Rey.

Ben reached out, instinctively wanting to soothe those emotions. Knowing how it felt to be so conflicted and how desperately he'd wished for someone to understand. He stroked along her mental walls, much in the same way he'd felt her do that first time during the Sabacc game. A bloom of desire erupted at the touch of his mind and she curled those wintry tendrils of energy around him and they stayed there for a heartbeat.

Ben hardly breathed, surrendering wholly to the touch of her thoughts before he felt a flinch, a sudden, dramatic shift and she pulled back into herself completely.

And at that same moment, Kuruk's mind brushed up against the thought and Ben watched him startle, having never experienced such a thing, and the Knight fell backwards off the log into the muck.

 _Stay away from me_ , Rey said. _We can't do this._

And again, those doors slammed, and she was on her own island in the Force once more.

Ben froze, turning to stare at where Kuruk had fallen, hoping he hadn't sensed the entirety of that interaction. But Kuruk still hadn't moved to pick himself up. He lay perfectly still, his masked gaze trained on Ben.

Then, slowly, Kuruk climbed to his feet, pulling off his helmet.

His eyes were wide, and a slow smile spread across his face. "You and Rey? What in the kriffing hell was that?"

And Ben raked an exasperated hand through his sweat-soaked hair. "That was not supposed to be your first lesson."

"Well, if I want to learn how to mind-fuck a woman, I'd better get my lesson from the master, eh?"

"That's not what that was, I – "

"Oh come on, Kid. I'm just messing with you. You don't need the Force to see there's something strange between you two."

And Kuruk approached, slapping a hand on his back.

Ben couldn't help but laugh at the sight of the other Knight, bog water dripping from his armor, snaking weeds wrapped around his arms, he looked like a feral swamp creature risen from the dead.

Kuruk shook his head, pulling at the weeds twisted around his arms and legs. "Seriously though, what was that?"

"I swear, I was just going to project a quick thought to you. I was going ask you if I could fly the _Buzzard_ when we got back _._ But I got… well, I got distracted."

"Distracted, huh? Let me give you some advice about Rey," he said, glancing farther up the rough path the other Knights had cut through the swamp, ensuring they were far from earshot. "She's Snoke's favorite. That makes her dangerous. She's a powerful little thing, feisty, beautiful, but so are Antarean butterflies. And those little shits'll stick you with their stinger and stop your heart in five seconds flat."

Ben could sense the truth of his words. That she was dangerous, but then again, weren't they all? The Knights of Ren had a reputation for destruction, for ruthlessness, and wasn't he wading through the swamps with them? Hadn't he just watched as they'd murdered an entire crew of Mimbanese?

"There's just something there," Ben finally said. "Some strange connection, Kuruk. I can't explain it."

"You don't need to explain it. You just need to get over it, kid. She'll eat you alive."

Then, Kuruk wrung the swamp water from his hair and brushed off the rest of the weeds clinging to his armor before replacing his helmet. And they walked side-by-side back to the _Buzzard,_ talking of the Force, of starship racing, and the modifications Kuruk had done to the ship promising that he could give the controls a try.

All the while, Ben couldn't help but imagine the way Rey's mind had felt wrapped around his. The wholeness it had brought. And he let his thoughts drift, imagining her face. Daydreaming of her touch against his skin. Of soft lips pressed against his.

 _She'll eat you alive,_ Kuruk had said.

And Ben found himself wishing she would.


	6. Rey Digs a Little Deeper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to add a little warning to this chapter – there is a mention of some mental violence against another character, a short torture segment. Again, this fic is a little dark to start so if that's not your thing, be warned! Rating was changed to reflect future content. I'm hoping to continue updating at least weekly.
> 
> Thank you again for your awesome comments on the last chapter. Your feedback definitely keeps me motivated to write! And with the fires blazing everywhere here in California and COVID cases still very prevalent, I could use a little happy juju! Made a fun little moodboard for this chapter.

[](https://imgur.com/W7NjsMS)

Kuruk was true to his word and let Ben pilot the _Buzzard_ for a few hours. She was a "touchy little beast" just as Kuruk had promised, but she was responsive in all the right ways. She handled nothing like the transport ship she started out as, a testament to the skill the Knight had with modifications.

Kuruk was seated beside Ben now, feet crossed, resting on the control panel, arms behind his head as they approached Snoke's space station.

The bulk of the station was a latticework of clear hexagonal tiles, perfectly constructed into an enormous biosphere. And within it, shades of every green you could imagine.

Encircling the sphere like strange, mechanical halos, were the components comprising filtration for atmosphere, generators, cargo bays and landing platforms.

"I never know what to make of this place," Kuruk said, his neck straining for a better view.

Ben nodded. "Beautiful and creepy."

"So long as Snoke keeps doling out the credits for these missions, I suppose it doesn't make much of a difference. He could live in a Sarlacc Pit for all I care."

"How long have you been with the Knights of Ren?" Ben asked.

"More than ten years now. Doesn't feel that long, but I guess it has been. Ren of course was the first, Rey was the last."

Ben tried not to act too interested. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. She was sixteen. Snoke was very adamant about getting her here. Never seen him so excited about a new recruit. Well, until you of course."

"Where did she come from?"

"She was scavenging on Jakku from what I hear. Been with us just three years and is already stronger than most of us. Maybe even Ren, but you didn't hear that from me."

"Of course not," Ben said, and meaning it. He had no intention of backstabbing the only one of the Knights who seemed somewhat approachable. The two had fallen into a companionable conversation since Mimban and it felt good to actually talk to someone that didn't care whether he was conflicted, whether he used the dark side, whether he had thoughts outside of celibacy.

Any of those conversations were forbidden at the Jedi Temple. Even admitting to these thoughts would have earned him a cleansing week of meditation from Luke.

Force. He could only imagine what the Jedi trainees would have thought about the way his mind reacted around Rey. But there was only one more Jedi trainee left. Only Tai remained. And Ben hoped he wouldn't be coming to look for him again. He couldn't imagine Tai's life coming to an end in the same way Voe's had.

Something twisted in his gut, bringing heat behind his eyes. Ben breathed deep, burying the pain below frozen layers of anger where it belonged. There was no time for regrets. He was on a new journey now, becoming more powerful than his old master could have ever imagined.

"You okay, kid?" Kuruk said, giving him a sideways look.

"Yeah, it's just, this place," he said, trying to change the subject. "Snoke says it was built in the Great Shadow. Can you feel it? The cold?"

The Knight's reach in the Force brushed against his awareness.

Kuruk had been practicing ever since they'd boarded the _Buzzard_ and he was beginning to gain a more precise control over his senses _._ Where before, the man seemed to use the Force on instinct alone, now he had a more conscious control over it.

"It feels heavy, ancient," he said. "Just like those old bones he's got strewn about everywhere in there."

They leaned closer to the viewport, taking in the strangely ominous flora visible through the transparent biosphere. Massive gnarled tree trunks twisted like melted wax, spiraling and coiling upward towards the canopy. Parasitic vines wound their strangling holds around each branch, feeding from their light and moisture. Ben's eyes were drawn to the bright pink and purple highlights of flowers, though upon closer inspection, many of these 'flowers' were actually the tentacles of carnivorous plants, poised to feast on the next unsuspecting passerby. Gaping eye holes stared blankly from skulls and vertebrae poked out of soil in winding paths, adding a macabre sense of landscaping to the place.

It was a beautiful, violent display of nature which Ben had not fully appreciated on his first visit. He and Kuruk sat side by side, mesmerized by the view as they neared their docking station.

A surge of violent rage tore through the Force and Ben jolted back into his seat. He clutched at his chest, sure his ribcage had been torn open by the strength of the emotion. It burned, it seethed with an inexplicable twisting pain before receding into wave after wave of desolation. Then… a void, absolute oblivion – he was a tiny blip in an infinite expanse of nothing. And he was tied down, pinned there in that vacuum, unable to move or breathe.

And then, he was there. Somehow, he was in Rey's cabin on the _Buzzard._ She was sitting at a table across from him with her lightsaber dismantled.

No. It was not _her_ lightsaber. He'd never seen Rey with a lightsaber.

It was _Voe's_ lightsaber.

Only now it lay strewn about in pieces.

And somehow, though he'd never moved from the pilot's seat, Ben wasstaring across from Rey as she clutched something in her palm. She was still masked, but Ben didn't need to see her face to know that all of that rage, that pain, and the loneliness he'd been feeling had come from her.

When she opened her gloved hand, Ben understood.

She held a crystal in her palm. A crystal that had once been blue, but that was now as red as blood.

She lifted her face to stare at him through the eye slits in her mask.

"Get the fuck out."

Ben didn't miss the raw edge to her voice, even from behind the vocoder.

He held his hands out in front of him, in a gesture of surrender. "I didn't do this. I don't know what's happening."

She stood, her chair clattering to the floor behind her. "I said, get… the fuck… out!"

She skirted the table and closed the space between them.

Ben tried not to let his eyes waver as he stared back at her. The grooves in her mask were deeper up close and he imagined he could almost see the outline of her face. Waves of anger rolled from her, spilling over her shoulders and into the energy of the Force all around. And he could feel it slamming against his mental walls like waves against the shore.

But he wasn't afraid. Instead, he wanted to reach out. To touch her. Because he sensed there was something more beneath that rage. Something she was struggling to contain.

Need.

An urgency.

A bodily hunger deeper than she could understand and as she leaned closer, it rose to a crescendo.

He struggled to find his voice, but he knew he had to speak.

"Don't worry," he said, his tone laced with the husky desire she had somehow stirred in him. "I feel it, too."

Her leather gloves creaked as she clenched her fist harder around the crystal. And for a heartbeat, Ben wasn't sure whether she would strip off her mask and kiss him the way he'd fantasized about or pull her fist back into a punch and let him have it.

She did neither, extending her free hand into the space between them, curling her gloved fingers as she focused on wielding the Dark Side like a knife to slice through his mental walls.

Her icy grip held him in place by his wrists, pinned to his armrests. He felt her cold influence lock his muscles tight in the Force as she penetrated his mind and raked through his thoughts. _Why are you doing this?_ Her voice accompanied those claws of ice as she ripped through his consciousness, turning over memories, searching… _How are you doing this?_ She tore and tore and tore at him for answers. A burning pain grew in his temple. It swelled, each slice of her probing darkness ripping further, burrowing deeper…

A whimper escaped his lips, and he tried to clench his jaw to keep from crying out again. He could fight back, but he didn't want to. He sensed, fighting her would be pointless. Like fighting himself.

And he wanted her to see. Needed her to see that he was not there to hurt her. That he was not afraid. So he surrendered his mind to her, opened himself fully to the wintry graze of those talons.

Tears welled in his eyes as she continued to rip at him relentlessly, tearing away strands of memory and Ben nearly panicked, thinking he'd made a mistake to submit himself to her like this, until… what started fast and hard, with the intent to rob, to maim… began to transform.

Those frozen claws shifted and her touch softened into something more delicate, shadowy tendrils moving more slowly and he sensed that connection between them flaring to life again.

And the pain was replaced by something else.

The hunger was back and with it, he sensed a new riot of emotions through their mysterious bond. Regret, shame and…

Fear. He saw her fear. In the form of a memory - _her_ memory. Failure weighed heavy on her chest as she looked up to meet her master's stare. Snoke's face distorted into a crooked grin as twisted as those trees in his garden and she screamed as a writhing pain coursed through her. Sparks of lightning flared across her body. She was thrown back onto the ground, and she screamed again. For the pain and for the fear that she would disappoint him, that she would not live up to her family name, that she would never be powerful enough to have the revenge she so desperately craved.

The memory snapped shut, and like closing a book mid-sentence, all action stopped.

Rey pulled back, chest heaving, breath rasping too quickly through her vocoder.

Her hand dropped to her side and she stood frozen. "You really aren't doing this."

He didn't trust himself to speak, his hands trembled in his lap and he knew his voice would reveal how far she'd gone into his mind, how deep he'd felt her penetrate inside of his own thoughts. Deep enough for him to push back, to find the proof of what he'd seen hints of before. Proof that they were connected.

"You're telling the truth." Guilt weighed heavily on her voice and she shook her head as though she still couldn't believe it.

Ben looked up at her, letting his eyes express no judgement, only empathy. It felt like a victory that she finally believed he wasn't trying to cause her more pain. Because this woman who projected so much anger, who wore a mask to keep the world out, did so only because she was hurting just as much as he was.

"You're afraid," he said simply. "That you won't live up to your family name. I feel the same, Rey. It's okay."

And he reached an open hand out to her, to do what, he didn't know.

She jerked her head back suddenly, as if he'd just slapped her, and backpedaled away.

But before she could respond, before he could ask her why Snoke had punished her, how she had failed, what that family name was, his vision grew dark at the edges, tunneling into black and something twisted. And in the span of a single heartbeat, he was back in the pilot's seat.

Slowly, his world brightened, coming back into focus and his throat opened enough to let air pass into his lungs again.

Kuruk was clutching his armrests, staring at him, unblinking. His throat bobbed with a hard swallow before he spoke. "What the hell was that?"

Ben could only shake his head, not having regained his ability to speak.

"Kriff man, you were staring ahead, just staring and I tried to shake you, but you weren't coming out of it." He raked an agitated hand through his hair. "I had to take the controls, land her myself. _Kriff_."

He was vaguely aware that Kuruk was still talking, but the words he was saying seemed to bounce off of his consciousness. He heard the other man's voice, but the meaning didn't seem to stick. His thoughts were shrouded in confusion and he wondered if it was a side effect of Rey's mind probe.

Ben blinked, shocked to find that they had, in fact, already docked. The sterile lights of the hangar bay pierced the cockpit viewport from every angle, casting stark shadows on the other man's face.

"Then you started talking." Kuruk's sharp, hazel eyes cut through the fog in Ben's brain and he was hearing him again. "It was her, wasn't it? That anger, that tremor in the Force? Because then you weren't answering me. I shook you, thought you were having a seizure or something. But when you started talking… you really freaked me the hell out."

When Ben finally spoke, it was as if his mouth was full of cotton. "I have no idea what happened. One minute I was here, the next…" Ben trailed off, working through exactly how to explain what he'd experienced.

"Whatever it was, I heard you tell her you felt something, too." Kuruk narrowed his eyes. "You two are in deep scat you know that?"

But Ben's mind was still working in a thousand different directions. How was such a power possible? Luke had never spoken of such things, neither had Snoke. He'd learned to search people's thoughts, but what power of the Force could actually transport you through physical space to share a conversation?

A chill scuttled down his spine, settling someplace deep inside as he recalled the strength of the rage Rey had channeled to bleed Voe's crystal, the hurt, the loneliness she'd used to fuel that kind of power. Ben had thought for so long that he was alone in feeling these kinds of emotions so intensely. But here was a woman, younger than himself who was fighting the very same battle.

It brought him back to a late-night communication he'd received on the _Grimtaash_ not so long ago. A call from his mother that had brought those very same emotions boiling to the surface. It had all come to a head during the "talk" she wanted to have about Ben's grandfather. About who Ben's grandfather had been. But it had been too little, too late. He'd already found out from the holo-news. His parents hadn't been there. Luke hadn't been there. It was Snoke who had been the one to help him reconcile the shock of the information.

Ben Solo, named for the great Obi-wan Kenobi was the grandson of the notorious Darth Vader. And Ben had pushed the button to end that comm. He hadn't spoken to his mother since that night.

The dark thoughts had only intensified since then.

But now, gods, seeing into Rey's mind had been like looking into a mirror of his own soul.

Voices from the rear of the ship jolted Ben from his thoughts. It was time to go.

"Holy Sithspit, man." Kuruk reached for his helmet and slid it on, the warmth of his voice melting into one of cold, mechanical menace. "I hope for your sake Snoke doesn't find out about whatever that was. Even Vicrul knows better than to take things too far with Rey, and you've seen how they act together. Snoke has made it very clear that Rey is not to be touched."

"I never touched her, and I have no idea what that was, how it even happened."

Ben stood, trying to collect himself before rejoining the other Knights.

"But you did say you felt something between you two…"

Ben didn't look at Kuruk. How could he ever begin to explain what he'd just felt.

Kuruk sighed. "Well, I guarantee if Snoke finds out, you're not going to feel anything again after he uses the Shadow to twist your balls off."


	7. The Jedi Gets a Stiffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday guys! I so appreciate your feedback on this story and have loved reading all of your supportive comments over the last week. I hope to have another chapter for you next weekend!

Kuruk took Ben through the sequence to power down the _Night Buzzard_ , then announced their arrival on the overhead comm to the rest of the crew.

The Knights gathered in the main hold, donning their helmets and strapping boots tight for the trek through Snoke's nursery of death. Ben reached a hand to the pouch at his waist, confirming that the Mindsplinter was still tucked safely at his side. Snoke would be pleased they'd found it. Maybe if Ben was the one to give him the relic, it would distract Snoke from his failure on Mimban.

Because even though the mission was successful, Ben knew he hadn't done what he was intended to do. He didn't have a good death to offer them, which meant he still wasn't a member of the Knights of Ren.

All he could do was cross his arms over his chest and wait for the other Knights. Then he would see what Snoke had to say.

Rey rushed past in a whirl of black robes, stopping only to address Ren who stood closest to the ship's door. It was obvious that whatever it was between them had frozen over. She was her usual icy self and whatever had just happened in her cabin was long forgotten.

"Master Snoke wishes for me to meet with him first. He will let you know when he is ready to see the rest of you."

Then she was pressing the release to lower the ramp and striding away without sparing him so much as a glance.

A vise-like pressure crushed down against his chest. He felt his jaw clench down on the feeling. But still, his thoughts eddied and churned and he couldn't stop them.

It wasn't fair. Snoke had been speaking with Ben since he was a boy. Why should Rey get to claim the victory at Mimban?

Something told him it was her fault.

Rey was distracting him. Maybe she was doing it on purpose to keep him away from the Knights of Ren. So that she could remain Snoke's apprentice, ensuring Ben never grew more powerful than she did.

Ben still couldn't breathe, and stale fumes hanging in the _Buzzard's_ corridors along with the chatter of the other Knights were suddenly too much and he was descending the ramp himself.

"Where are you going kid? You heard Snoke's orders."

It was Ren's voice behind him.

He ignored it.

Ben crossed the black durasteel landing platform with its too-bright lights and reflective metallic walls and pressed the entry code to access the rest of the space station. The door slid open and he was met with a burst of humid air from the inside. And along with it, the tang of death.

There was no way to describe what he felt in this strange biome, because it was as tangled in his senses as the vines were around the branches above. With the vast green canopy of the tallest trees overhead and so many living things competing for life on the forest floor, he felt that the pulse of living energy in the Force was strong here. Only it was cut through with fissures of darkness because the Shadow hung heavy over all of it, giving the sensation that everything had to work harder to survive in this place.

Ben studied all of it as he walked on, past butterflies he guessed were filled with toxic venom, past trees that seemed to lean in towards him as he brushed too near. Only when he nearly tripped on the skull of what looked to have been a large cat, did he pause his exploration.

A small tree stood before him, reaching stunted branches toward the slivers of light visible through the thick canopy above. Vines clung to its trunk, winding and coiling endlessly up the entire length, strangling the host tree, restricting its growth even as the creeping tendrils climbed higher. And the vines had eventually succeeded, using the unfortunate tree as a path to the next tree's canopy, which had grown much higher.

Ben drew closer, inspecting the cracked grey bark, finding areas of death where branches no longer bore leaves. The tree was already half dead, but still it stood struggling toward the light.

A rush of anger surged through him then. He drew his saber from behind his shoulder and cut across the tree's trunk. For a moment, nothing happened. A scorched line through the tree smoked and bled greenish sap in sticky trails down the trunk, but the tree didn't fall.

Then finally, as if reluctant to give in to its fate, the top portion of the trunk began to slide slowly against the other half of the cut, and the whole thing tipped precariously. For a moment, it seemed the vines tangling in its branches would keep it upright, but eventually, even the vines lost their grip and the tree crashed to the ground.

As the earth shuddered under the impact of the fallen tree, something snapped inside of him. Ben slammed his saber down over that tree's trunk again and again and again, carving scorched marks into the bark. He rained blows onto the wood until all the sap had bled out and sweat dripped down the sides of his face. And still, he didn't stop until his arm was shaking and his breath came in short, panting bursts.

Finally, he sank down onto a fallen log nearby and focused on that rage. He wrapped himself in that anger until it was all he could see. It was so easy to do in this place with the Shadow so thick and he let the pain carve a place inside of himself. Because without that anger, there was just an empty hole.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, shrouded in his own rage, until a familiar prickling awareness crept over his skin.

It was the only hint of what was to come before he found himself sitting behind Rey as she faced Snoke.

Gods, not again.

Why was the Force connecting them like this?

Rey's shoulders tensed but her back was turned to him and he wondered if she knew he was there. Snoke was facing Ben's direction but didn't seem to see him.

This time, Ben could see more of Rey's surroundings. The Force had dragged him across the biosphere, into another part of the forest where the plants were even thicker. Roots tangled at Rey's feet and pink trumpet-shaped flowers hung low from the branches overhead. The ground here was moist, untouched by the overhead light and heat generators that served as the surrogate sun in this place.

Snoke stood hunched, just another gnarled tree amongst his own kind here as he extended a crooked finger in accusation. "I expected more from you, apprentice, considering your lineage."

"I am sorry, Master." Ben had never before heard Rey's voice become choked or waver in any way. The effect of such a hiccup caused a strange sensation to swell inside of him. "I thought it a waste to let him kill himself there. To sacrifice such potential for that ignorant, Jedi bitch."

Snoke's voice thundered as he unleashed purple strands of lightning from his fingertips. "She was no Jedi and he would not have let himself be killed!" The shock of Snoke's power lifted Rey from her feet and sent her flying backward into the mud. The lightning wrapped her in its grasp, and her body writhed, before Snoke's power sputtered and she came to rest in patch of grass at the foot of a tree.

Her arms shook as she tried to turn herself to face Snoke again.

"Perhaps the truth is that you have allowed a warm spot to fester for the boy," he said.

Rey struggled to lift herself into a sitting position, propping herself up with her arms behind her. She wheezed a breath through her vocoder. "No. It was a temporary lapse of judgement. I will accept whatever punishment you see fit."

Snoke narrowed his eyes. "Yes, you will. And you will not intervene again. I fear you are weak, apprentice. Just like your parents were."

"No," she fisted her hands in frustration, blades of grass piercing from between her gloved fingers. "I will prove myself."

Ripples of another electrical storm surged through the Force but Ben was back where he had been, staring down at the mutilated tree trunk, green sap staining the earth below his feet.

And even though he couldn't see Rey any longer, he could feel what had happened next. She had been punished. For helping him.

Because Snoke wanted Ben to kill Voe himself? To become who he was supposed to be?

He hardly had a moment to process what he'd seen, when Snoke's voice cut through his thoughts.

_Come to me, my boy._

His stomach twisted. _Fear_. Of Snoke's wrath, of Rey's reaction when she saw him. _Guilt._ That she'd suffered because of him.

Ben holstered his saber with some difficulty thanks to trembling fingers, before stepping over the fallen tree to begin the hike through Snoke's hanging gardens. His thoughts churned like violent storm clouds and for once, he didn't try to suppress the anger. He couldn't, not in this place.

The screams of a dying animal drifted from someplace nearby and Ben was suddenly very aware that those skulls had not been deposited here by accident. The vast weight of the Shadow pressed down on him, so stiflingly close, that Ben found he could not resist its lure. He drew it in, breathing deeply of its prickling cold, using its darkness to smother his insecurities. Filling the holes inside of himself with that ever-ready well of power again.

When he crossed into the shade of a massive twisting trunk which towered twice as high as the others, he caught sight of Snoke already meeting with the Knights of Ren. Rey stood off to the side, mask on, radiating a tangle of emotions through the Force that Ben would never be able to unwind, even if he had time to try.

"Look who finally deigned to join us," Snoke said.

Ben met Snoke's eyes but did not respond.

"Give me the Mindsplinter."

Ben dutifully pulled the crystal shard from its pouch, feeling its power swell as it touched his skin. Gods how it beckoned him to _use_ it. To hold onto it and cut everyone down, to remove everything from his path.

The thought was snuffed from his mind as Snoke snatched the Mindsplinter from his hand with a swift tug of Shadow.

"You could have been done with your past, my boy. Instead, you would have it cling to you, sucking the life from you until your power dwindles?"

"No," Ben finally said. "No. That isn't what I want."

"No? Then you must not shy from the darkness. Stop fighting it. Only then can you become who you were meant to be. Your true self."

Snoke looked to the Knights. "Now, we have a shard of the Mindsplinter. The next task will prove much more difficult. You must find the remaining half of the crystal. This is but a shard of the larger piece." He held the Mindsplinter up to the the light, turning it over in his fingers as he studied it. "Imagine the power if we found the relic in its entirety."

Vicrul shifted and Ben could sense exactly what he was thinking. Vicrul had had a taste of that power and would love another long draught of it. Long enough to give him the power to kill Ben next time.

"There is a problem, however," Snoke continued. "There are many places rumored to harbor the other half of the Mindsplinter."

Then Snoke looked to Rey. "You will begin your search on Jakku."

A shock of fear pierced straight through Ben's ribcage, stealing his breath and choking the Light from the Force completely. But it wasn't his fear. It was Rey's. She was afraid. So afraid it hurt to breathe.

"A borehole down toward the planet's core was created during the Battle of Jakku and some old Sith relics were lost to the depths," Snoke said. "See if the Mindsplinter was among them."

Snoke glared hard at Rey until she issued a barely perceptible nod in response.

"And Rey, before you go… since you have suddenly become so invested in young Ben's training. I'd like to give you the chance to take it one step further." Snoke turned, robes flashing under the dappled light as he settled into a makeshift seat in the crook of a forked tree trunk. He lifted his head to gaze at Ben, his blue eyes blazing like kyber. "Fight him."

This was obviously unexpected, but by the way the Knights backed up against the trees, making room underneath the low hanging flowers and vines, perhaps this wasn't unheard of.

"Yes, Master."

And Rey was flying in a Force-leap, saber first, directly at him. An impressive move for someone whose body was just racked by Force-lightning.

Ben flailed for his own weapon, pulling it from its holster with hardly enough time to widen his stance to brace for the incoming blow. He reached out through the Force, trying to catch the glimpse of her next move as he often did with the other students while sparring.

He met a wall of ice. She had used her pain to grow stronger.

Ben grunted as he blocked her fierce slice across his back, feeling the heat from her saber as it slashed too close to his skin. She slid to the right, whirling with her scarlet blade toward his face. He blocked just an inch from his nose.

A sharp intake of breath from the Knights in unison signaled that her strike must have landed even closer than he'd thought.

Snoke laughed. "It seems that new blade suits you, apprentice."

And Ben felt a swell of pride leak from behind her icy wall. Pride and pain. Then she was unreadable once more.

Anger pushed itself through the cracks in his own mental shields in an explosion of darkness and Ben used it to power an offensive dig to Rey's legs, hoping to send her backward.

She blocked easily, pushing his blade around as though he was a padawan and she, the Master.

He leaped away to buy himself some time.

This should not be so difficult. She was so _small._ And she'd just been electrocuted for gods' sake. His power should dominate that of her slight frame, but her hold on the Shadow was so tight, he could hardly match her.

She flew an ungodly distance to close the space between them again, raining pink flowers in her wake as she dragged her saber behind her, cutting vines and branches overhead. She came down hard on him again in fast, lethal strikes alternating between his side and his shoulder. The throaty grunt she released with each thrust of her blade caused a heat to crash through Ben's veins, pulsing out a raw need for her that he couldn't stop if he tried.

When he blocked the last strike, they stood frozen for a long moment. Her body pressed against his leg as she tried to gain leverage and the pressure of her body against his thigh set his teeth grinding together as he tried to fight the warmth creeping to surface of his skin.

She backflipped away.

Then, in the span of a breath, she had catapulted herself right back toward him before he realized what she was doing. The heel of her boot thumped his chest painfully and he landed on his ass in front of the laughing crowd of Knights.

"You caused the death of two Knights of Ren, my boy," Snoke was saying. "Those deaths will have to be repaid. Ren is worried you might not be a good fit for their crew."

Rey even had the gall to approach as he lay sprawled in the mud and she pushed her boot against his chest, standing over him like a trophy hunter claiming her prized Nexu.

He thought he heard Vicrul's raspy laugh rise louder than the rest.

And Ben should have been humiliated, but when he looked up at Rey, her gorgeous leg visible between her skirts as she posed above him, the only urge he had was to pull her down to him, flip her over and rub his body against her, ripping her helmet off and punishing her with hard crushing kisses.

 _Your thoughts betray you._ Her voice had a seductive drawl to it now. Could he be imagining it? _Keep better control of those dirty thoughts or Snoke might hear them, too._

She released him from her hold and Ben pushed himself up, calling his fallen weapon back to his hand.

Rey was on him again, slashing violently across his shoulder and he could do nothing more than parry. Her Force was a dark shroud, blotting out his light, blacking out his vision and he stumbled, catching himself with his back against a tree.

Rey held his weapon hand shackled in a Force grip of cold steel and his blade hung uselessly as she brought her scarlet saber against his neck. He felt the heat radiating off the plasma as she held him helpless.

The Force of her was so intense as she held him there, he could hardly breathe. The connection between them was screaming loud in his ears again, and he knew she felt it too. He could feel her roiling emotions despite her best attempts to keep her walls up.

Brief flashes of fantasy crossed their mental connection.

_His hair. Kriff, I want to grab that luscious hair and -_

She pushed him out of her mind and Ben felt her struggle to close the leaking dam of her thoughts, but mentally, Ben knew he an advantage. She was focused on keeping his body pinned there against the tree, keeping his weapon hand locked in a helpless paralysis which left her mind open to him.

 _Now whose thoughts betray whom?_ He asked directly through that connection between them.

And because so much of her focus was spent keeping him physically pinned, he knew he could break through again. He sharpened his focus and pried a little harder…

_Fuck. Think about something else, anything else. Think about -_

Her chest heaved fiercely with each rasping breath through her vocoder as she tried desperately to keep him subdued. Her fingers tightened around her blade and a heat from more than just the battle had now grown between his legs.

_Kriff._

She had a weapon to his neck and he had an erection. What was it about this kriffing woman that did this to him?

The tension in the air buzzed with an electricity more violent than her saber as they stared at each other in silence.

Oh yes, she felt it, too.

The knot Rey had wound so tight in his belly with their sparring, with her perfect body so close, with her uncontrolled thoughts spilling into his mind, it all uncoiled in an instant. Because in three short words, Snoke shattered the tension.

"Kill him, Rey."


	8. Rey Gets On Her Knees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check it out! I'm early! Next update within the week :)

Ben flinched as Rey's weapon buzzed hot against his neck, but she did not follow her Master's command.

She didn't execute him, at least not immediately.

And Ben could feel Snoke's anger at her disobedience from fifty feet away – it bled in dark rivulets across the web of Force all around. He could practically feel the sticky weight of it clinging to his skin.

In the face of such anger, Ben wasn't sure how long Rey's hesitation would last, so he gathered as much power he could before making his move. He pulled from that passion Rey had stirred in him, adding it to the rage he'd been using to fill the empty holes in his soul. The Shadow bloomed dark and potent until it was a symphony of power throbbing in his veins.

He used it to take control of Rey's mind. He sharpened that power to a perfect point, a surgical instrument of the Dark Side and he sliced through her walls despite her attempts to keep him out. Once inside of her brain, he implanted his command.

_Get on your knees._

She dropped to kneel at his feet and the Knights let out an array of disbelieving expressions.

"Holy Sithspit."

"What the fuck?"

"Damn, Mama's Boy's got her right where he wants her!"

Ben looked to Snoke who hadn't moved from his seat in the forked branch of a nearby tree. The stare he got in return was unreadable and disappointing, as Ben was hoping to get _some_ reaction after forcing his apprentice to her knees.

But Rey was quick to recover, using the icy shadow of her own power to push him out and patch the hole he'd carved in her mental walls. She shot upright as she regained control over her thoughts again and had her blade swinging against his in a heartbeat.

But the brief interruption was all he'd needed to reposition himself. And once again, they found themselves on equal ground.

"Don't you ever do something like that again," she growled as she crashed another blow against his blade.

He pressed back against her with the strength of the Shadow singing in his ears. And he gazed at her over their crossed blades, wishing he could see her face, imagining the way her lips might part with each panting breath, wanting to find out what her hands would feel like tangled in his hair like she'd fantasized about.

He found that his hunger for her, his passion, allowed him to draw deeper from the Shadow and he gathered that darkness into a hammer of Force and drove that power against her body, sending her flying backwards. She landed in a patch of purple flowers, each adorned with a long, sticky stamen. At first, it looked like a lucky place to land, her fall cushioned by the soft petals. But when she pushed herself back to her feet, sticky strings of pollen-coated goo clung to her robes.

She brushed them off violently, and he offered her a sarcastic shrug in response. "Sorry sweetheart, but I had to do something. Decapitating me would be much harder from your knees. And I like my head where it is, thanks."

Now Ben was having fun. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so exhilarated.

Trudgen's voice rose over the buzz of their lightsabers. "Yeah, and the kid thought you might like his other head better anyway." The Knights roared in laughter at the crude joke. All except Rey who was obviously not used to being laughed at.

And if she was angry before, now she was livid.

She roared, that new wave of anger fueling a power that seemed to lift her in its grasp and deposit her right on top of him, crashing a blow down over his head with such Force, Ben had to dodge because there was no chance of successfully blocking something like that.

He moved just in time and her saber cut a slice from a tangle of roots at his feet.

She was practically feral as she crouched for her next strike and it _did_ something to him. Gods he wanted to let her win, tell her to ravage him, let her rake those hands over his skin and –

_You're projecting again…_ and her voice was a rough growl from across their connection, a savage tone to match her stance. _Stop thinking with your cock and fight me Ben Solo._

He was getting very tired of inadvertently broadcasting his darkest desires to the object of said desire.

So he focused then. On her movements, on his weapon, on the darkness tingling across his skin.

_Use the Shadow, my boy._

Yes, he needed to twist these feelings into something he could use. So, he turned his embarrassment into anger, adding it to the deep rage he carried in places inside of himself he'd never shown anyone. Places that had been rotting away since he was a child and his parents had sent him away because they were afraid of him.

He opened those old, painful memories and let the hate seep from them, spilling into the Force like pus from an infected wound. And the fury bloomed into something cold and deadly.

What once were controlled arcs with his blade, refined footwork he performed with a practiced grace, began to transform. Precision was replaced with power and he found the sweeps of his saber crashing down harder against Rey's blade. He gathered momentum again, a dark sledgehammer behind every strike and Rey cried out with the sheer might of his last blow.

She stumbled back. The Dark Side was a discordant roar of energy in his ears and he pulled from the air itself, unleashing a blast of Force that knocked her onto her back. Again.

He smiled a wicked grin, approaching Rey with his blade pointed at her throat.

Like the feral rathtar she was, she didn't give up. She pushed his blade aside with the Force and attempted to trip him with an unexpected foot sweep.

But the Shadow was thick around him, humming with power and he saw it coming, leaping easily, offering her a taunting smirk in return for her efforts.

Then he was using that Shadow to press her down, to hold her by the throat against the moist earth, enjoying the struggling sounds that leaked through her vocoder.

"Say you yield," Ben commanded, his voice dripping with darkness.

Her chest heaved beneath her cuirass, and he caught brief flashes of her thoughts, like the staticky pieces of a broken comm signal flashing across their connection.

_Her skin was burning hot. A heat coiling deep in her belly. She bit the feelings back, she could not let Snoke see what he did to her. How could she let herself become so distracted by him?_

Then the connection sputtered out and he was looking at her from the outside again.

Oh gods, a part of her was _enjoying_ what he was doing to her. That thought sent an immediate surge of warmth through his body.

_Kriff._

Ben had never considered himself a sexual person. Even a life of Jedi celibacy hadn't seemed so bad before. Sure, he'd kissed a few girls. But those encounters never led to _this_ kind of yearning. And now that he knew she felt the same?

_Kriff._

Despite the tension thick between them, and the fact that he had his weapon an inch from her throat, Rey did not yield. And Ben was pretty certain that Rey would die before she ever spoke the words to surrender the duel to him.

Likely realizing the same, Snoke spoke up. "Well done, my boy," he said, rising from his perch and shuffling closer to where Rey had fallen. "You see what you are capable of when you wrap yourself in the Shadow?"

And as Ben stood, breath coming quick, adrenaline surging through him, he did see. He felt _good._ This was a person he could be proud of. Someone beyond embarrassment. A man of passion. Someone beyond ancient expectations and childhood wounds. Beyond old, outdated codes and rules.

Someone who felt alive.

"Yes, Snoke. I do see. Thank you for the lesson. And thank you Rey for the competition," he said, offering a hand to help her up.

She ignored his hand and dragged herself to her feet instead.

Snoke strode to where the Knights stood in a semi-circle around them and held the Mindsplinter out to Ren. "Take this, it will be helpful as you search for its mate."

"Got it," Ren said, wrapping his gloved fingers tight around the crystal. "If its other half is on that sun-blasted planet, we'll find it."

"Your credits for the last mission will be transferred within the hour," Snoke said, almost as an afterthought, and Ben wondered how much of it would be gambled away tonight on Sabacc. "Please feel free to use this station to rest as you see fit."

"Thanks, Boss," Ren said. "Always a pleasure doing business with you."

Then Ren was walking away, the other Knights trailing behind him. Ben turned to follow, but felt a pull on his shoulder from behind, a wisp of Shadow keeping him tethered to the spot.

"My boy," Snoke said. "Do what you must to reach your potential. You cannot hide from your destiny any longer."

Ben looked back over his shoulder, finding Snoke's eyes. "I know what I have to do," he said. And for the first time, Ben actually _did_ know, because something about the path he was on finally felt right.

Snoke nodded, eyes boring through him and before he could look any deeper, Ben walked away, following the Knights as they wound their way between the twisted trunks in this thick copse of trees.

He was almost out of earshot when he heard Snoke's voice one more.

"Apprentice." His voice had lowered to a menacing growl. "You will stay behind for another lesson."

Rey's fear pierced Ben's mind like a Mandalorian's poison-tipped dart, paralyzing him and he couldn't take another step. He thought about intervening, thinking of a way to protest but Rey's voice was in his head before he could.

_Leave,_ she pleaded. _You'll only make it worse if he sees that you care._

He should leave. It wasn't his business and she was right. Snoke might even become upset with him for interfering.

But still, he stood there, torn in half by what logically he knew he _should_ do and what his stupid instincts were telling him to do.

_Please._ She was begging now. _Please go._

Those steps away from her were some of the most difficult steps he'd ever taken. Much harder than when his feet had been mired in the thick sludge on the swamps of the Mimban Moon. Harder than the steps carrying him away from the burning Jedi Temple. Almost as hard as the steps he'd taken away from his mother, when she decided he was becoming too difficult for her to manage and had sent him to Luke for training.

Why? Why did he care what happened to her? Sure, he was attracted to her, but she was nothing to him. He'd never even seen her face for gods' sake.

He clenched his jaw, feeling it tremble despite his efforts and forced himself to walk away. Something inside screamed at him to stop but he walked on, trying to focus on the creeping vines at his feet, the thick sweetness of the flowers perfuming the air, the snap of a twig under his boots. But it was impossible.

Because he could _feel_ her fear.

And it only got worse once the pain started.

Ben could actually smell the char of her flesh as if it was his own, could feel the electricity twisting her muscles into knots, jerking her limbs in scorching spasms and Ben felt tears welling in his eyes.

Gods. Snoke had never treated him this way. He'd had no idea.

Anger became his armor and he wrapped himself in it to keep the tears at bay. Anger for Rey, anger for being abandoned by his family, anger that he had no other choice than to walk away because he wasn't yet powerful enough to stop all of this.

Pain was the backdrop to his anger and as Rey's torture filled him to an excruciating fullness, he had no choice but to release that rage, sending the echo of his darkening Shadow as a wave of Force into a cluster of nearby trees. The white bark splintered under the pressure of his invisible attack, cracking loudly until the first tree teetered and began to tip, gathering momentum and taking two more trees down with it.

Ben screamed. A sound that tore from his throat painfully and echoed through the Shadow itself.

Then, he collapsed at the base of the tree he'd just downed, leaning against what was left of the trunk, trying to keep the walls of his mind up. Trying to keep Snoke from sensing his emotions. Because Rey was right, somehow he knew Snoke could not know about their connection. It would make everything worse.

When the echoes of her pain began to fade, he called out to her.

_Rey, can we talk?_

Seconds ticked by to the sound of his own pulse in his ears. So many seconds, in fact, that he was sure she'd decided to ignore him. Minutes passed. Still he sat at the base of that ruined tree, his only company the buzz of anger in his mind.

When she finally answered it was from someplace nearby. Ben could hear the rough edge in her voice, the echo of the cries that had ravaged her throat. "Do we have to?"

But he could feel her acceptance of the fact that this talk was inevitable. They were connected somehow and ignoring it would only continue to cause problems.

She emerged from the dense forest into the clearing he'd cut with his outburst. She turned her head toward the damage and stopped ten feet from him.

"What did that poor tree ever do to you?"

She was deflecting. He could tell she was in bad shape, she was favoring one leg and stood slightly hunched, like there was something wrong with her shoulder.

Ben stood to greet her. "Is it safe to talk?"

"I think Snoke went back into his control room."

He nodded, gathering himself for the words he'd settled on sharing with her. Words he was afraid to share, as it made him vulnerable. But words he felt she might understand. "I asked you why you cared after you helped me on the Minemoon." He bit his lip, wishing he could see her face to gauge her reaction. "Now I understand. I can feel your emotions. And I can't stand to sit by and watch that again."

"Ben, we can't do this," she said. And the way she said his name sent his pulse racing again.

He knew she was right, but his instincts were still screaming at him that they could do this. They had to do this. "The Force has connected us. What choice do we have?"

"There's always a choice," she said, defiantly.

"If there's a choice, then why do you allow yourself to be tortured like that?"

He knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as the words escaped his lips, but Ben had never been good with words or with holding his tongue.

She reached her gloved hand to pull up on the chin of her helmet and her mask came off in one fluid motion.

Rich, brown locks fell over her shoulders and the most beautiful pair of hazel eyes he'd ever seen rendered him mute. He was immobilized, like an unusual insect pinned to a collector's board, he was helpless to move, to even look away from that stare. Her brows dipped in a severe angle across her surprisingly young face as she scowled at him.

"Just because the Force has chosen to connect us, do not presume to know me." She chucked her helmet at him, narrowly missing the side of his head.

Ben swallowed, flailing about in his mind for some way to fix what he'd just done. But he was struck dumb in that moment, by her face. Her perfect face and how familiar it was. Like a déjà vu, and he was sure he'd seen her before. Somehow, he'd already known her face from his dreams. Or his nightmares, he wasn't sure which.

"I didn't mean – " But Ben refused to fumble for his words. He reached for the Shadow to steady himself, to help him think clearly and he was rewarded with a string of coherent thoughts. "Don't make me presume, then. Tell me what I need to know about you."

With the darkness surging through him, he was bolder. He was quicker. He was confident enough to cross the distance between them and once he was an arm's length away, he stopped to gaze down upon her. Only then, could he see the delicate dusting of freckles across her cheeks, streaked through with trails of recent tears.

Gods, she truly was _beautiful._

The corner of her lip twitched. _Kriff._ He hoped he wasn't projecting his thoughts again.

He slammed his walls up again and waited for her.

"You thought you knew everything you needed to know about me from the first moment you saw me. You thought I was a stupid slut, didn't you? Just some delicate little dark side princess who needed saving? Screwing bad boy Vicrul because I needed him to protect me. Well fuck that. And fuck you Ben Solo!" She placed two hands on his chest and shoved him back as she yelled his name. "I don't need saving and I don't want you here. From the moment you showed up, you've only made things more difficult."

Ben's mouth fell agape as she continued her string of insults but Ben could be silent no longer.

"Everything you just said was completely wrong. I never thought you were a slut. Whoever you are intimate with is your business. And I sure as hell never thought you were delicate." He twisted that last word just to drive home the point. "I don't know why the Force is connecting us, but it is. Denying what you feel between us is lying to yourself and you know it. Now stop being so gods damned difficult!"

She swayed a little on her feet but continued her tirade. It was obvious she wouldn't let him have the last word. "You never stopped to think that maybe I had everything handled? I am mind controlling Vicrul, you asshole. And I did it to keep everyone else away. If they thought Vicrul was fucking me, they'd leave me alone. Ren was getting jealous of my power so I made some allies the only way I could. And our Sabacc games made us a little money. So what?"

Then she stepped closer, somehow looking down her pretty little nose at him despite the fact that he was at least a head taller. "You are a spoiled princeling, Ben Solo. I'll bet you've never been hungry a day in your life."

Ben clenched his fists but said nothing. He felt the darkness swirling around him and wanted so bad to unleash it, but he couldn't bring himself to. Not after what she'd just been through with Snoke.

She wore a self-satisfied smirk then. "Yeah, so don't kriffing judge me."

She sucked in an uneven breath and he was sure she was going to let him have it again, but her eyes drifted someplace beyond him and her eyelids fluttered. Holy Force, was she was passing out?

Ben reached a hand to steady her just as she corrected her own stance with a rigid sidestep.

"Gods, Rey are you okay?" And all thoughts of wanting to strangle her or to unleash the Dark Side to shut her stubborn mouth were forgotten.

She rubbed her face with a gloved hand and mumbled a half intelligible response. "Of course I'm not fucking okay," then some unintelligible mumbling before "you useless piece of bantha poodoo."

When she allowed him to wrap an arm around her shoulder and lead her to a nearby boulder to sit down, he really started to worry.

She practically collapsed, folding onto herself with her face in her lap.

Oh Force, if she kriffing _died_ here…

But she wasn't dead. Instead, she started talking. In a normal, human tone of voice, she talked with her head still between her legs.

"He's pissed. Master Snoke is pissed because I should have let you kill that Jedi girl. He wants you to turn, to reach your full potential. Don't know why its so kriffing important to him. You're so close with the Shadow as it is, I didn't really see the rush."

He'd never heard her speak so many words together unless she was yelling at him and the effect of it was… unsettling. He was worried she was on the verge of passing out again. She seemed so unbalanced and now he was sure she was either out of her mind or dying.

"Why does he punish you like that?" Ben asked, trying to keep her talking to keep her from losing consciousness.

"Pain is the best teacher," she said, as though she'd heard the phrase a thousand times from the mouth of her Master.

Ben shook his head. "Snoke's been teaching me since I can remember, but never like that. And he wants me to embrace the darkness because I'm the grandson of Vader. He thinks it's my destiny."

She pulled her head from her lap and looked up at him then, echoes of pain reflecting in the endless depths of those eyes. "I understand destiny, its why he treats me as he does. Because despite who I am, I can't seem to stop feeling conflicted."

Ben cast out with his Force, reaching for what warmth he could pull from a place like this. And he tried something, a risk. But he brushed that warm energy against her mind in a light caress. "And who are you Rey?"

She closed her eyes briefly, but she didn't flinch. It was almost as though she enjoyed the sensation.

Then she opened her eyes and gazed back at him. "A scavenger from Jakku."

He stepped closer to where she sat and made a conscious effort to soften his voice. "That's all?"

She sighed, her shoulders drooping under an immense, invisible weight. "I guess it doesn't matter anymore does it? You'll probably find out eventually when you accidently hear my fucking thoughts again."

He didn't respond, but sat down beside her on the boulder, careful not to touch her in case she took it as a reason to try to kill him again. And then, he did what he used to do back on Chandrila to get the wild squalls to trust him. He would sit quietly, and eventually, the little animals would get curious enough to come up to him. Maybe if he just sat nearby, she would continue.

His patience was rewarded.

"I was orphaned when I was a little girl. My parents left me on Jakku to keep me safe because we were being hunted."

She swallowed hard, but Ben didn't miss the gleam of tears in her eyes, or the almost instinctive reach for the darkness she used to smother the pain. Then the emotion was gone, replaced by a hard set to her jaw and a twitch under her left eye.

"We were being hunted by _your_ old Master," she said. "My parents were killed by Luke Skywalker because my father was the son of Emperor Palpatine."

_Kriff. Kriff._

How could that be true? Luke had never taken him on such a mission. Could it have been before he was sent to train with Luke? Even so, wouldn't Luke have at least told Ben about something like this? About the fact that Darth Sidious had a child? Had a -

"Ben," Rey's gloved hand gripped his chin, interrupting his chaotic thoughts and turning his head back to face her. He was instantly pulled into those eyes again, helplessly caught in their depths. "Did you even hear me? I said, my grandfather was Darth Sidious."

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me, sweetestcondition, on Tumblr @ [ErickaWrites](https://erickawrites.tumblr.com)  
> 


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